NEWS OF THE WEIRD

cockroachinheadunclear on the concept

— The British Medical Association issued a formal caution to its staff in January not to use the term “expectant mothers” when referring to pregnancy — because it might offend transgender people. Instead, the Association’s memo (reported by the Daily Telegraph) suggested using “pregnant people.” The BMA acknowledged that a “large majority” of such people are, in fact, “mothers,” but wrote that there may be “intersex” and “trans men” who also could get pregnant. [Daily Telegraph, 1-29-2017]

leading economic indicator Precocious: Girl Scout Charlotte McCourt, 11, of South Orange, New Jersey, saw her sales zoom recently when she posted “brutally honest” reviews of the Scouts’ cookies she was selling — giving none of them a “10” and labeling some with dour descriptions. She was hoping to sell 300 boxes, but as of the end of January, had registered 16,430. For the record, the best cookie was — of course — the Samoa, rated 9, but longtime favorites like the Trefoil (“boring”) rated 6 and the Do-Si-Do (“bland”) 5. The new Toffee-tastic was simply a “bleak, flavorless, gluten-free wasteland.” [NJ.com, 1-31-2017]

the passing parade

Police arrested a 22-year-old knife-wielding man in a restroom on a train in Dusseldorf, Germany, in January. The man, naked, appeared “quite annoyed” at being hassled, did not have a ticket to ride, and said he was using the knife to shave his genital area because he was not welcome at home. [The Smoking Gun, 1-9-2017] [Associated Press via WJLA-TV (Washington, D.C.), 1-10-2017]

ewww!

On Jan. 31, doctors at Stanley Medical College and Hospital in Chennai, India, removed a live, full-grown cockroach from the nasal cavity of a 42-year-old woman whose nose had been “itchy” earlier in the day. Two hospitals were unable to help her, but at Stanley, Dr. M N Shankar, chief of ear-nose-throat, used an endoscope, forceps, and, for 45 minutes, a suction device — because, he said, the roach “didn’t seem to want to come out.” Another doctor on the team noted that they’ve removed beads and similar items from the nasal cavity (demonstrating the splayed-out trespasser in full wingspan), “but not a cockroach, especially not one this large.” [Times of India, 2-3-2017]

update from “big porn”

The colossus PornHub dot com, in its annual January rundown, reported its several sites had 23 billion “visits” in 2016 (about one-fourth from females), during which time its videos were viewed 91 billion times. In all, earthlings spent 4.6 billion hours watching PornHub’s inventory (that is 5.2 centuries’ time doing whatever people do when viewing porn). USA took home the gold for the most “page views” per capita, just nipping Iceland. Online visitors from the Philippines, for the third straight year, remained (per capita) on the sites the longest per visit. The top search term on PornHub from U.S. computers was “step mom.” [The Daily Dot, 1-5-2017]

least competent criminals

A suspect pointing a gun attempted a robbery at a laundromat in Upper Darby, Pennsylvania, in February was not immediately identified. (The official reason for not initially identifying him was that, though detained, he had not yet been booked; less likely, perhaps, police might have been trying to spare him embarrassment in that the laundromat’s overnight clerk, a woman named Naou Mor Khantha, had simply taken his gun away from him and shot him three times. He was hospitalized in serious condition.) [Philly.com, 2-3-2017]

undignified deathscockroachinhead

A 37-year-old Saanich, British Columbia, man did not die but nearly bled out before being heroically rescued following his parking-rage blunder. Angered that another driver had parked too close to his own car, he grabbed a knife and stabbed a tire on the other vehicle with such force that he wound up slashing the main artery in his leg. [Florida Times-Union (Jacksonville), 1-26-2017] [Global News BC, 1-27-2017]