BRILLIANT PRODUCT IDEAS

1) Nordstrom is now selling pre-dirtied jeans for $425 (left). For slightly cheaper ($395) you can get what looks like paint-stained jeans (right).And here I’ve been washing my jeans all these years! It reminds us of that guy back in the 90s who sold shotgun-blasted jeans, though his prices were more reasonable.


2) Clear Coffee (aka “CLR CFF”) describes itself as “the first colorless coffee in the world.” From the product website:

“This refreshing beverage is made from high quality Arabica coffee beans and pure water. It is produced by methods which have never been used before.”

So is it just caffeinated water? Or is it caffeinated water with coffee flavoring?

The reasoning behind it seems to be that it’s coffee that won’t stain your teeth. If you like your coffee cold and black, this might work as a substitute. But if you drink it hot, with cream and sugar, this isn’t going to do the trick.

Can’t Possibly Be True

* After complaints from merchants, airport workers, and others, change their driver’s license to “Washington, D.C.” because “District of Columbia” confuses the 9th-grade-Civics dropouts. [WTOP Radio]

* “Kenya Cancels Primaries After Too Many Voters Turn Up”–Deutsche Press-Agentur headline via Deutsche Welle

* It’s just a shack (with an upscale bathroom), but was listed at $495k, sold for $755k. Oakland, Calif.,’s tony Rockridge. [SFGate.com]

* After suffering from asthma for 15 years, Sigurd Lindh learned that he was allergic to his wife, Greta. He moved into a cabin 600 yards from their home, and his asthma cleared up.

* A current NYC fight between a high-rise co-op and a higher-rise going up next door is getting ugly. One lady in the former whined that “several” of her Picassos “would be deprived of optimal lighting” by the new building. [NY Post]

COMMUNICATION BREAKDOWN

Suspicion Confirmed: Two Cornell professors observed that if you removed a “controversial” scholar’s name from their carefully researched and reasoned work, and presented only the ideas themselves to focus groups divided by their proclaimed ideologies, the quick-trigger outrage so common in today’s partisan world disappeared. Apparently, they need to know who’s side the author of the work is on before they decide whether they should be angry. [NY Times]

The Cleveland (Ohio) Street Department still had not (at press time) identified the man, but somehow he, dressed as a road worker, had wandered stealthily along Franklin Boulevard during March and removed more than 20 standard “35 mph” speed limit signs — replacing all with official-looking “25 mph” signs that he presumably financed himself. Residents along those two miles of Franklin have long complained, but the city kept rejecting pleas for a lowered limit. [WEWS-TV (Cleveland), 3-23-2017]

* In Edenburg, TX, Juanita Cantu de Leon sought to annul her marriage to Victor Leon. Her petition said she and Leon stood up for another couple taking vows before county Judge Milton Richardson. Jaunita and Leon were considering marriage and Leon asked the judge about how to get a marriage license. But Richardson who speaks little Spanish concluded that both couples wanted to be married and performed a double ceremony. A few days later Mr. and Mrs. Leon decided they were no longer in love. It was then they learned they were married.

SOUNDS REASONABLE

* A court in Rome ordered a $2,150 fine for cooking fried fish. The offence was “Olfactory molestation.” (€2,025). [New York Post]

* “I don’t break into houses,” said Joseph Woznik, 23, “only churches. I break in to get back at God.” [New York Daily News]

* Fake News: A girl,10-12 yrs old, was supposedly found living among monkeys (and acting like them) in India, and the news business went tumescent. Turns out just that she had been kicked out by her family recently. [The Independent]

* Does “Sh*t Happen”? Happened to this guy driving a Renault convertible with the top down and his duagther near Munich. According to the report, the father pulled the car over on the side of the road in the town of Altomuenster, not far from Munich, when a tractor full of liquid cow manure swung around the corner, sending its runny load of poop directly into the Renault convertible. [Associated Press]

* Chicago really is The Badlands: Neither father age 43 nor son 22 felt like walking the the dog that day and  argued heatedly. They eventually settled it by gunfight. Son dead, father in critical condition. [Chicago Tribune]

* Alan Atalah, a construction management professor at Bowling Green State University, returned a batch of computer files to the state Department of Transportation at the end of a research project. According to the report, a Transportation Department program administrator found seven pages of narrative “that described sex acts involving adults, children and animals.” More erotic stories were later found on his laptop, along with evidence of deleted stories and erotic videos.

According to the report, a Transportation Department program administrator found seven pages of narrative “that described sex acts involving adults, children and animals.” More erotic stories were later found on his laptop, along with evidence of deleted stories and erotic videos.

Ohio Inspector General Randall Meyer determined Atalah violated university policy by having the material on his work computer.

* A Connecticut motorist who paid a $2 for overnight parking with a check made out to “West Hartford Police Gestapo” was fined an additional $50. [NY Times Magazine.]