Facial Hair

Just after the merciful conclusion of a tough 4-12 Bills season—preceeded by a merciless 38-7 thrashing by the New York Jets on Jan. 2—quarterback Ryan Fitzpatrick, dubbed the Amish Rifle by fans, had his his trademark scruffy beard shaved at a Hamburg salon. We’ll miss you, epic beard.

The Bigger Scoreboard

Backed by a veritable home crowd at HSBC Arena, Canada defeated the United States 4-1 on Jan. 3 in the semis of the World Juniors—that hockey tournament only Canadians actually seem to care about. You can gloat all you want about it, Canada, but you’re still home to Nickelback.

Hourly Accomodations

Developers at a city Planning Board meeting on Jan. 4 announced a $4 million plan to replace the Buffalo Tourist Lodge, that seedy Main Street symbol of days plagued by drugs and working girls, with a more reputable Sleep Inn. And once more, the sex worker economy takes one to the chin.

Classified Documents

Despite assurances to new State Senator Mark Grisanti that he would aid in a smooth transition, Antoine Thompson acknowledged on Jan. 3 shredding “several garbage cans” worth of documents found by Grisanti staffers on moving into the downtown office. Got something to hide, Antoine, or just bitter?

Exit Strategy

UB President John Simpson magnanimously announced on Jan. 5 that he will stick around—despite plans to retire on Jan. 15—until a successor can be found. After the legislative failure of his UB 20/20 initiative, it’s hard to believe Simpson would do anything to delay a hasty exit from town.

PowerPoint slides presented by Andrew Cuomo on Jan. 5 at his first State of the State address. Besides confronting the typical complaints of corruption and government waste, Cuomo also tried hard to bring the funny. PowerPoint slides were used to illustrate a “two ships passing” metaphor for the need for legislative cooperation and a Star Wars reference to the need for the “Empire State to Strike Back.”