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it's my party

I’ve got a problem and I don’t know what to do, but I feel like I can’t sit around and do nothing.

A few weeks ago, I was planning my graduation party and inviting a bunch of people, from my close friends to people I vaguely know. Well, two of my guests had a bit of a history I was unaware of, but not wanting to un-invite either guest, mainly because the one guest with the complaint, I’ll call her Jan, is my best friend’s girlfriend.

After speaking to the second girl, who agreed it would be best if she didn’t come, so as not to cause any unnecessary fighting, I told my best friend the news. He seemed pleased, so I told Jan, who proceeded to say she was most likely lying. After spending over an hour on the phone to get this sorted out, I could not handle it and told her she needed to grow up (She is 23, while the other girl is 17 or 18), at which point she starts insulting me and those I keep company with.

This was over a month ago, and my best friend sided with her. She’s the type of person that “knows” she’s always right and if you don’t agree with her she automatically hates you. I’m getting fed up that she stole my friend away from me, and I feel betrayed by him for siding with her. It was supposed to be my high school graduation party, and you only get one of those, and Jan made it all about herself.

I really need some help, I don’t know what to do.

Lesley Gore

The Backroom Guy: Make sure Jan comes to the party and push her face into the graduation cake.

Smart Money says: Ah, my young friend. It’s so easy to get embroiled in the messy lives of others. Where did it get you? The loss of your bf. In your defense, it does sound like Jan is bat shit crazy. It could be worth the loss of your friend to avoid having her in your life. Good luck and congrats on your graduation.

Dining Out says: It sounds like you’re outgrowing your friends, which is perfectly normal and will continue to occur throughout various stages of your life cycle like post high school, while you’re in college, and well into adulthood. You’re outgrowing your friends because you’re maturing and recognizing that some of the people you befriended in high school are immature and downright selfish. This is your party and your guest list. A true friend would be happy to attend your party no matter who you invite. They’d never cause this much aggravation. Perhaps you should make this summer (and your high school graduation party) all about new beginnings. Create a new guest list and only invite people who will be happy to come and keep the peace.

The Sales Guy says: The most obvious mistake was definitely yours in that you got into things that were out of your control and not your concern. It’s your graduation party, you invite your family and your friends. To get into who gets along with who, what friend did whose friend’s girlfriend or other hookup travails is not your concern. Your friends should respect the fact that it’s your party and they should behave—or if unwilling to behave, be shown to the curb. To get into your friends’ relationship issues is patently absurd and they will resent your interference anyway, which they apparently did.

The Practical Cogitator says: I know you ‘feel’ like you can’t sit around and do nothing, but that’s exactly what you should do. Inevitably, Jan is going to get mad at your best friend. People who have this automatic hate switch generally end up alienating people, and they find themselves all alone.

Strictly Classified says: Congratulations! Keep in mind that this is your party. You invite the guests, let them figure out whether or not they are coming. Part of being an adult is dealing with people you don’t necessarily like, and at this point it seems like you have wasted too much time on the issue.

The Vanishing Hitchiker says: Congratulations! I remember my graduation party, fifty years ago this weekend. I was wearing the same dress I have on right now, though it wasn’t all torn and caked with dried blood. It was a terrible affair. My boyfriend all through high school showed up with his arm around my arch enemy—whose name really was Jan. I became so jealous that I hopped on the back of Johnny’s Triumph motorcycle and he laid rubber right there in the driveway. But Johnny had been drinking, and he missed that turn out by the river.

I was so young then, and I remember all the tears at my funeral. Now, every full moon, I walk that desolate stretch of road at midnight—wishing I hadn’t been so emotional at my graduation party. I had my whole life ahead of me. Please, for me, enjoy yourself on the occassion. And don’t let anyone bring you down.

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