Out at a bar the other night, a friend and I were gossiping, and she told me something that caught my attention: Another friend of ours is in trouble at work. Part of the trouble is personal—her boss doesn’t really like her—and part of it is her own professional shortcomings. As a result, she’s walking on eggshells there. She might get fired.
Here’s the thing: I’d love to have her job. Would it be wrong for me to send my resume to her boss right now, to kind of get him thinking? My friend is miserable anyway.
The Omniscient One says: Yes, it would be wrong. You’re a creepy person. Didn’t you say another “friend” of ours? A “friend” would consult with the person about how to possibly remedy the situation not covet their job, you selfish dimwit.
The Calendar Girl says: Sure, send your resume out now. The current economic climate has made a cutthroat attitude acceptable, understandable even. While you have got your stamps out, you might want to help your friend send out her resume to new jobs to balance things out. Karma is a bitch.
The Back Room Guy says: If you get your friend’s job she will certainly find out. Or worse, you could try to get the job, fail, and she still finds out. At least help her find a different job first before you proceed to slither into her former one.
Strictly Classified says: I say send your resume and prepare to lose your “friend.” Oh, and don’t forget, karma is a cruel mistress.
Dining Out says: If you truly think your friend’s position is a good fit for you then you have every right to submit your resume to that company. However great you may be at that job, you’ll always be a lousy friend.
The Straight Skinny: I think you’re risking your friendship on very slight evidence. A round of gossip at a bar is not the same as, say, a conversation with the friend in question or a copy of her personnel file purloined from her office.
That you’re willing to take so ill considered a risk tells me that she’s not much of a friend to you, anyway. So I say go ahead, Ayn Rand, send in that resume, and hope that your friend’s boss doesn’t turn to her for a recommendation.
Meantime, little starling, be wary of the nest you aim to steal: If this friend of yours is in trouble with her boss, what makes you think the problem lies not with her but rather with her boss? Do you really want to walk into a situation that has made someone you know, friend or not, miserable?
The Sales Guy Says: Putting in a resume for a job is everybody’s right. You can get a position there that isn’t your friend’s, and if by chance it is, was it your fault?
You’re over-thinking it. You’re looking for employment and sending resumes out. However, during your interview, if you ask quite innocently, “Hows Patty’s gigantic coke habit working out here?” —then you’re slime.
The Boss says: You’re damn right your friend is on eggshells. She oughta be. And just so you know, she is gonna be fired. I’m gonna have to let about 10 people go.
Here’s what I’d like you to do. Get together a detailed resume. It’s okay to exaggerate. You seem like the kind of person who doesn’t need to be told that.
You could tell me you were the ambassador to New Guinea, whatever you want. Put a lot of work into it. I want to see that you really tried.
Attach a long cover letter kissing my ass in every way you can possibly think of. Throw in words like “synergy” so you sound cutting-edge.
Then wrap your head around this: Your friend’s job is being eliminated. I won’t be refilling the position. But thanks for your interest, you coldhearted bitch.
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