what works?

My partner and I work together and live together, and we make a fairly good team. But I’d like to find a new job. I know my partner will be upset if I quit the job, and it will surely have a negative effect on the home life. How do I leave one part of the relationship and not the other? Or do I stay with the job so my home life remains stable?

—Caught

The Salt Water Tart says: If the business is dependent on the both parties, then offer to find a suitable replacement. You first need to be self-fulfilled with your career choice in order to be happy and whole. If your life partner truly cares about your well being he/she should support your decision.

Classified Info says: Be sure to have something solid (especially in this economy). Your significant other should want what works for you, right?

walking papers

What’s the best way to tell your roommate to move out because you found someone else that you would rather live with?

—Elbow Room

The Shutterbug says: Get creative. Start moving their possessions ever so slightly, just enough for them to notice. Leave notes on their food telling them to “Stop drinking my milk!” Steal their mail. Change the name of your wireless network to “I want you to move out please.” Passive aggressiveness solves everything, right?

The Designing Woman says: Sorry. If you want to live with someone else you have to move out. It’s the only civil thing to do.

The Practical Cogitator says: You don’t tell them to move out, it is their home. If you’ve found someone you’d rather live with, then you should be the one to move out. Grab your new found flatmate and look through the AV classifieds in the paper and online and start apartment hunting. Just because you are fickle with your roomy choices doesn’t mean that your current roommate should wind up homeless. Make sure to give them fair notice so they can start looking for a new housemate. Start saving your shekels, it looks like you need to come up with first month’s, last month’s and security.

...and baby makes 3

Two gay guys I know adopted a kid. Everything was going along great, until it came time to plan out childcare responsibilities. Like a lot of first-time parents, you can’t know how this is going to play out until you’re in the middle of it. After a few unpleasant daycare experiences, it became clear that juggling parenthood and career would be no walk in the park. In this case, the older of the two guys announced that the younger guy would have to give up his job to stay at home and care for the kid. The older guy claims he has the better, more important, and more lucrative job.

As you can imagine, the younger guy isn’t so thrilled with this decision. It’s causing a lot of strain on their relationship, and I don’t know what to tell them. Do you have any advice?

—The Parent Trap

Classified Info says: You’re kidding, right? This couple made a conscious choice to adopt and didn’t have very solids plans (and backup plans)?

Here’s the deal, once a child enters the picture, it’s no longer about the adults. Please correct me if I’m wrong, but the child had no say in this situation. I’d suggest they both put the child first, and quit acting like children themselves!

Snap Judgement says: They should both quit their jobs. Then, as the money starts to run out and tempers really begin to flare, they might realize that their child wasn’t just an accessory they acquired to help them fill out an empty space in their life together. NOT!

This kind of thing happens with straight couples all the time. It puts a lot of strain on a lot of marriages, and leads to many divorces and broken homes. Unfortunately, there’s no way to know the level of sacrifice being a parent requires until you’ve become one. It’s exhausting, confusing, but in the end empowering when you realize there’s a little life you really would walk through fire to protect.

Thankfully, for those parents willing to make compromises and let go of a big chunk of their own egos, there are rewards. They get a lot of little hugs in the short term, and in the long term, they come to understand that while their mutual sacrifices may have changed who they once thought they were, their new life together as parents is way more meaningful—as reflected in the eyes of their child.

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