I've fallen, and I can't...
I have fallen hard for a co-worker and I’m too afraid to go for it. I have had feelings for someone I work with for the past few months, I’ve been trying to ignore my feelings as we work together and that could get awkward! I don’t think he knows as I have been pretty careful about expressing my feelings but we talk frequently and it can get flirty. We have only hung out one time outside of work but we both had a great time and spent hours together talking and laughing.
There are a lot of reasons I’m too afraid to go for it: 1. Getting rejected and still having to see him everyday 2. Loss of a friendship I value 3. He’s been single for a while and seems to like it that way.
I was at an outdoor concert and thought I saw him dancing and making out with some girl. My heart dropped to the ground. Then I realized it wasn’t him and felt so dumb! Enough is enough. I need to get over this! Am I crazy?
What should I do? I’ve given him opportunities to ask me out and he hasn’t taken them. When we talk we have a lot in common and I laugh a lot. Maybe he’s just shy? Maybe I’m not good enough for him?
The Omniscient One says: You may believe you’ve “been pretty careful” about expressing your feelings, but I’m sure your crush is very aware of the opportunity to get closer to you. That’s an inherent instinct only fortified by your flirty talk and the hours you spent that one time outside work “talking and laughing.” If he wanted to repeat that experience he would have found a way to do so. If you’ve given him the opportunity to ask you out and he hasn’t taken you up on it then he’s not interested in that kind of relationship. You should appreciate the relationship you have and learn to enjoy it to the fullest. You may end up with a good friend for life. If you push him to where he doesn’t want to go the very reasons you cited for not “going for it” will come true, i.e. awkward rejection and loss of a friend. However, to conclude that you’re “not good enough for him” is simply wrong. It’s quite common to feel someone is not the “right” person but that has nothing to do with “not good enough”. The magic, the chemistry, whatever you want to call it simply isn’t there. Someone can have very good feelings about another person but not want to enter into a personal relationship. Enjoy your friend and look for love elsewhere, preferably not at work. That seldom succeeds in the long run.
The Bookworm says: I never really understood it when people try to be rational about questions of romance. It’s an inherently irrational thing. It may make sense to consider how everything would suddenly be a depressing pain in the ass if he rejected you, but at the end of the day that sort of thinking doesn’t really help you. Anyone can reject you, or you could also spontaneously combust. For all I know, as I write this you’ve already combusted. The bottom line here is that I think you should go for it and ask him out or do body shots off him or whatever it is you want to do. Worse comes to worst, he says no, whereupon life continues as it did before, with maybe a couple more sidelong glances. But if you never ask him out because you don’t want to ruin your friendship or something, then what? You stay alone and wonder what might have been, and I’ll bet you $20 the knowledge that your planning made it so you still have a pretty good working relationship will be cold comfort indeed.
Dining Out says: If I were in your stiletto shoes, I’d sit back and let this young gentleman pursue you. I do believe that if a man has romantic feelings for a woman he will initially do the pursuing and courting. If your crush does not make the first move, then c’est la vie. You may be better off as “just friends” because there’s nothing appetizing about a relationship that’s gone sour. Plus, who wants to see their ex on a daily basis (let alone work with him or her?). I’d look at this as a win/win situation. If your crush does pursue you then you’ll know that your feelings are mutual. And if he doesn’t, then you’ll have a bit of a thrill each day knowing you’re going to see your crush and you’ll also be free to go on dates with other men who genuinely admire you.
Ask Anyone is local advice for locals with problems. Send your questions for our panel of experts to firstname.lastname@example.org comments powered by Disqus
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