On Your Marks

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Artvoice Weekly Edition » Issue v12n51 (12/19/2013) » Last Minute Gift Guide

On Your Marks

by Artvoice

You have less than week to find the perfet present. Ready? Set? And…

Many of us who work on tight deadlines thrive on the desperation produced by rapidly closing windows of of opportunity. We grow more creative in our problem-solving, and sometimes we do our best work with the clock running down to zero.

And, like anyone else, sometimes we screw up royally.

You don’t want to do that with a holiday gift. You don’t want to join the ranks of gift-givers such as those described by some of our readers, whom we asked via Twitter to describe the worst presents they’d ever received.

One wrote, “My aunt gave me a leather outfit when I was five. Pants and a jacket. I ran to my room and cried.”

Another wrote, “Got a medium-sized neon pink Mickey Mouse T-shirt two years ago.” He’s six-foot-two and weighs 210 pounds.

One fellow’s grandmather gave him a copy of Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo and said, “This looks like the kind of crap you like.” Another reader’s grandmother offered a serving bowl with mushrooms on it, accompanied by “a mushroom serving spoon that looked like a penis.”

Another reader’s sister gave him a whale. “Not even the actual whale,” he wrote, “just a picture of it. I swear I’m not making that up.”

That’s not how you want to be remembered. You want your friends and loved ones to think: Now there’s someone who really knows how to pick a present. There’s someone who takes some time and puts some thought into it. There’s someone who really knows me.

Even if none of that is true, and even though time is running short, it’s not too late. As ever, we’re here to help. In the coming pages, in articles and advertising, you’ll find plenty of ideas for quick, easy gifts.

Don’t give in to desperation. Don’t make your loved ones tweet about you. Make them proud. Make us proud.

You’ve got six days. Take a deep breath, clear your mind. Ready? Set?

Go.