Left of the Dial |
Bling Kong: Do the Awesomeby Matthew Holota |
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It’s 1985. David Lee Roth has left Van Halen and the band is searching for a new singer. BUT…here the timeline diverges from our own reality and Eddie Van Halen recruits the Pointers Sisters to take over the band’s lead vocals. In this alternate reality, the new Van Halen sounds like something approximating the Do the Awesome EP from Bling Kong. Fronted by a quartet of foul-mouthed cheerleaders, Bling Kong fuses power-pop, cock rock, and the movie Bring It On to create a terrific live experience, and now, one of the catchiest rock albums of the year. The song titles (“Enter Bling Kong,” “We Got the Bling,” and “Bling Kong Girls”) show that the band knows only one thing, but it knows the shit out of it. “Bling Kong Girls” features instant-classic lyrics (“Those with big cocks/We salute you!” which I can’t believe wasn’t thought of sooner than this) and guitar licks that your Uncle Nick’s Motorhead cover band could only dream of writing. Originally started as a joke t-shirt that became a band, Bling Kong has been tearing up the East Coast and perfecting its craft. Soon, it will become a monstrous, runaway smash success, and we will no longer have to imagine what music would sound like if the minds that created “Hot for Teacher” and “Neutron Dance” got together and wrote the biggest pop hits the world had ever known.
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Issue Navigation> Issue Index > v4n47: W: The Incredible Shrinking Man (11/23/05) > Left of the Dial > Bling Kong: Do the Awesome This Week's Issue • Artvoice Daily • Artvoice TV • Events Calendar • Classifieds |
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