Holiday Gift Guide |
Toys, Toys, Toys ...in the Atticby Eddy Dobosiewicz |
|
|
Remember the thrill you felt when you ripped open the box on Christmas morning and found, to your indescribable joy, that there really was a Santa Claus? He finally heard your pleas for the toy that you wanted more than anything else in the world. Maybe you were heartbroken because you never got it. Or your parents tried to chince out and got you some stupid bootleg knockoff. Everybody knows a real Barbie didn’t have nipples, and cowboys did not ride cows for cryin’ out loud!
It was simpler back then... life was black and white, everybody lived next door to Ozzie and Harriet. The streets were safe because Baretta and Starsky and Hutch always found the bad guys. We didn’t need any 3-D graphics on a plasma screen with surround sound. “Pong” was as high tech as we got. Oh, if only we could play with some real toys for a while, then everything would be alright...
Hands Up Harry - Way before George Michael or judges at Ellicott Creek Park, this buckaroo would drop his drawers if you shot the dart just right at his belt buckle.
Major Matt Mason - Neil Armstrong was still taking baby steps and Captain Kirk was boldly going nowhere when this tiny astronaut with the coolest helmet and accessories was exploring space.
EZ Bake oven - Here’s a great idea. Let’s take a scalding-hot light bulb and stick it next to a teeny pan of brownie mix. Word has it that Emeril had one as a kid. Maybe the bulb blew up. Bam!
Rock ’em Sock ’em Robots - No chance of these guys biting off an ear or getting a brain bleed. Just some good old-fashioned fun and a chance for you to yell “he knocked his block off.”
Secret Sam - There’s a man who leads a life of danger. Sam, Secret Sam. Contrary to what the peaceniks may tell you, there is no long-term damage from teaching kids how to break down and re-construct a high-powered rifle with a silencer and conceal it in a non-descript attache case. Besides, the hidden camera could always be used to take pictures of the family in front of the tree.
Incredible Edibles - Another classic way for kids to learn about third-degree burns, this toy was a digestible form of “Creepy Crawlers.” Just pour the “Gobbledy Goop” into the bug-shaped molds, heat ’em up and eat ’em up. Mmm, Mmm, that sure was good eats. Especially while you were waiting in the emergency room.
Other toys you may remember:
Chatty Cathy
Big Wheels
Mousetrap, the game
Kerplunk!
Operation
Dynamite Shack
Monnchichi
|
Issue Navigation> Issue Index > v4n50: Last-Minute Holiday Gift Guide > Holiday Gift Guide > Toys, Toys, Toys ...in the Attic This Week's Issue • Artvoice Daily • Artvoice TV • Events Calendar • Classifieds |
Subscribe 