Holiday Gift Guide |
Where Are They Now?by Eddy Dobosiewicz, Deborah Ellis, and Nancy McCarthy |
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While fanatics from the left and right battle over politically correct ways to observe Christmas, one thing that continues to evoke warm sentimentality in all are the childhood memories of watching timeless holiday characters bring the spirit of the season to life on the small screen. For nearly four decades, the claymation of Rankin Bass and the pre-hip-hop rhymes of Dr. Seuss have delighted children of all ages and nationalities. As we have grown, we continue to think of these beloved characters as ageless, but alas, they have aged as well. Where are they now? What has happened to their dreams and aspirations?
Through the magic of Google and some pretty sneaky private investigators, we have managed to track down some of our favorite holiday ambassadors and were surprised at the number of Western New York connections. Now if only we could get one of these guys to run for office...
Herbie the Dentist
After, finally becoming a dentist and realizing his dream, Herbie still did not feel actualized. His marriage (all three of them) fell apart, and after the third divorce, his alimony payments just got to be too much... Herbie needed to increase his income. Convinced that he would still “Survive,” he found that the most lucrative job he could get was to lip sync in downtown Buffalo. Now you can see him in “Life’s a Drag” every Sunday Night at Club Marcella. (He’s the one with the great teeth.)
The Grinch
After his Whoville gig had ended,
The Goo Goo Dolls befriended,
This green guy who’s heart grew and grew.
They toured the land,
He left the band,
When other things began to grow too.
Now it’s all about sex,
Oh yes, triple xxx
The Grinch is well hung, who knew?
Winter Warlock
After becoming disillusioned with the entertainment industry, Mister Warlock spent some time on the road trying to get to know himself a bit better. He hung out with with Lawrence Ferlinghetti for awhile and through him befriended Allen Ginsberg, who was an associate professor at UB at the time. Ginsberg told him wonderful stories about the bohemian lifestyle in Allentown and the potential for horrific lake effect storms. So, in 1977, off to the “Nickel City” came Mister Warlock, better known as Winter, as you may remember.... “put one foot in front of the other.” Ironically, he would if he could, but currently he cannot. So he decided to put his best foot forward and create a different type of magic at Tsunami.
Yukon Cornelius
Yukon Cornelius finally Struck Gold,
Now the rest of the Story is told,
A Venture Capitalist at Heart,
A savvy business deal to Start,
Something cold, preferably on Ice,
A sporty deal would be nice,
His first transaction—listen closely
neighbors,
Was to close the deal with the Buffalo Sabres!
Golisano’s Silent Partner....
A crafty, savvy, business Genius
That is our Yukon Cornelius
Rudolph
After the DEA busted Rudolph for cocaine possession, (how could you not have known that, folks?!), Rudolph completed his 30-day program at Bry Lin. He also attends weekly meetings with Gamblers Anonymous and Alcoholics Anonymous, and looks forward to blowing more of his North Pole pension at the new downtown casino. So, readers, if you see Rudolph at any corner bar or slot machine in the Old First Ward, notify Artvoice immediately at IsawRudolph@artvoice.com... we are his sponsor.
Heat Miser/Cold Miser
Alive and well and living on Symphony Circle, the Heat Miser is currently, and appropriately, working for National Fuel. His twin brother Cold Miser was happily working for the county as a snow plow operator until last fall, when he received a pink slip.
Burger Meister, Meister Burger
Yo, remember the Burger Meister, Meister Burger whose Yo-Yo, Yo’d but didn’t Yo? After his reign of power ended, BMMB made it his life-long pursuit to find a Yo-Yo that would Yo and Yo back. His dream was realized in Arcade, NY when he found What’s Next Manufacturing Inc. (one of the largest producers of fixed-axle wooden yo-yos in the industry); he is now working there as Quality Control Supervisor. Insisting that no one should ever buy a Yo Yo that doesn’t properly YO and YO back. When you find a Yo Yo in your stocking this year, you have Burger Meister, Meister Burger to thank.
Max the Dog
After years of being the Grinch’s slave...
Max realized there was much more to save...
His dignity for one,
And maybe some fun,
So he helped his pal get elected
Then got a job which was protected.
Giambra’s regime was like no other
Just ask his cousin, son, and brother.
Charlie in the Box
Charlie in the Box left the Isle of the Misfit Toys after realizing he would never fit in with the Jacks. Charlie traveled to Buffalo where—hungry, thirsty and tired from his travels, after delays at the airport and searches at the border—he instructed the cabbie to take him for a cold beer and something to eat. He arrived at Anacone’s on Bailey for a highly recommended beef on weck, and although it was good, Charlie realized then and there that he could do better, so he came out of the Box and re-invented himself as Charlie the Butcher!
Cindy Lou Hoo
Now, Cindy Loo Hoo
Who was no more than two,
Converted and became a Jew.
Then she traded her driedel
For a chicken soup ladle
But her corned beef is pretty good, too.
Go see her today
At Risa’s and say,
‘That Grinch, what a shmuck, oi veh!’
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