Pontiac Wave Canada

Suzuki Reno US

Buick Excelle HRV China

Chevy Kalos UK

Chevy Aveo US

Those of you who are now or ever were out there in the dating world know how difficult it can be to please that certain someone you’re smitten with. Smitten with today, that is. Tomorrow you may meet another “someone special” and need to change your spots—pretend, for instance, to be interested in, say, soccer; or Meryl Streep movies; maybe you’ll go so far as to “like” cats, if that’s what it takes.

This, I think, is the spot auto manufacturers have found themselves in: trying to be all things to all buyers. The problem is, it’s not as easy as all of the sudden pretending to like cats overnight. New vehicles take years to get from the sketchpad to the showroom. Thus was born “badge engineering.” Selling the same vehicle under multiple brand names.

All of the sudden (even though most intelligent people saw it coming years ago) the average vehicle shopper is looking for better gas mileage. Surprise, surprise! The big pickups and SUVs are choking dealer lots while manufacturers scramble to come up with something—anything—to sell. This got me thinking the other night (it happens), and I began searching the Internet to see just what’s being offered out there in the rest of the world which we may recognize by a different name.

Take a trip over to the UK Web site of Chevrolet (yes, they sell Chevys in the UK) at chevrolet.co.uk, and you may be surprised at what you see there for sale. Look! It’s the Aveo, just like here in the US, except they’re calling it the Kalos. Hmm, what’s a Kalos? For that matter, what’s an Aveo? The biggest difference between the two is that in the UK you can buy a three-door version in addition to the five-door we’re familiar with. If you’d like me to further complicate things, the Chevy Aveo and Chevy Kalos are actually manufactured in South Korea (by Daewoo) where the hatchback version is known as the Daewoo Kalos and the sedan version is the Daewoo Gentra. In Canada you can buy versions of the Daewoos at Pontiac dealers, where they’re known as the Wave, and at Suzuki dealers where they’re the Swift+. Got all that? In Mexico it’s a Pontiac G3, while in the Ukraine it’s—the Chevy Aveo! You’d think that GM would have better things to spend their money on than all of this different naming. I realize that all cultures aren’t the same, but this seems silly.

Let’s continue on this journey a bit farther. Head on over to your local Suzuki dealer (where you may even get to see me in person!) and check out the Reno five-door hatchback. Now head up across the Peace Bridge to the nearest Chevy dealer, where you’ll find the Reno badged as the Chevy Optra5, across the Atlantic to the UK where you’ll find the Chevy Lacetti (derived from the Daewoo Lacetti, as it’s sold in South Korea), or head east a bit further to China, where your friendly neighborhood Buick dealer sells the Reno as the Buick Excelle HRV (Health, Recreation, and Vigor—Chairman Mao would be so proud). That’s not even the end of it, but space is running out.

I just wonder if GM (and other manufacturers, who are just as guilty of badge engineering) would be in better financial shape if they could consolidate their worldwide marketing into a single unit, come up with a globally acceptable naming process and go with it.

I wonder if they’d hire me at an exorbitant salary to run it?