Ask Anyone

DISHARMONIC CONVERGENCE

My girlfriend is in a band, and I really hate the music they play. Do I have to go to all her gigs? Do I have to pretend to my old friends that I like it? —Music Lover

The Gay Perspective: You mean you don’t like the music? I find this odd. How did you meet this woman? Never mind. It is immaterial. If your beloved were an actress, you would have to see all of her shows; you would have to swear that she was wonderful in them; and you would have to feed that same line to your old friends. You could, from time to time, say that you enjoyed her performance but a specific play was not to your taste. The situation with the band is only slightly different. Yes you have to go to her gigs, when possible. You should not dis the music to your old friends. Say only that you admire her talent, but you do not always prefer the band’s repertoire. I also recommend that you prepare for this relationship to disintegrate. Hating her music is no minor difference.

On the other hand, I have observed many a straight couple with nothing in common whatsoever, outside the bedroom, and they have managed to sustain committed monogamous relationships for weeks, even months at a time. Go for it. In fact, I recommend that you marry as quickly as possible, before she wises up to your opinion of her band.

The Sales Guy says: Here’s a common sense answer for you in the form of a question: Do you want to continue to have sex with this woman ? Let’s presume the answer is yes…

She obviously thinks this band is an important part of her life. To be overly critical will damage your relationship permanently. Trust me on this. Be supportive, be positive and be thankful you asked us first.

The Practical Girl says:You don’t have to go to all her gigs, but you do have tot go to some of them. Go to some of the gigs and have a few drinks, and bring a friend or two, and hang out, chat at the bar, clap when the songs end, bring her a cold beer while her show is in full swing. She’s your girlfriend, and it would be nice if you played the part of a groupie once in a while.

Other times you can tell her that while she’s on stage, you have no one to talk to, that it’s her night out, and that you think she should enjoy her glory and fame, without you waiting for her attention during breaks and after the gig. On these nights, of course, you get to hang out with your friends and do things your girlfriend might not enjoy so much.

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THE Dead bore

I was at a party recently, talking about dying (I swear, it was actually a good party), and met someone who said that he wanted to be kept alive on machines for as long as humanly possible, no matter the cost to his family. Is that unethical? Is it weird? Am I going to the wrong parties? —Kill Me Now

The Gay Perspective: No it isn’t weird, merely selfish, and probably just designed to get attention. Ignore this guy. It will be good practice for later.

The Practical Girl says: Someone at that party should have been able to steer that conversation elsewhere. How about politics or religion? Please remember it is always polite to excuse yourself to the restroom when uncomfortable conversations arise. And then you are able to join another group at the party.

The Sales Guy says: No offense but it sounds like you stumbled into the plot of one of Woody Allen’s really bad attempts at serious cinema. About the guy preferring life support, maybe he’s lazy, maybe he likes sponge baths. Who knows? It’s all hypothetical drunk party talk anyway.

Oh, and yes, you are going to the wrong parties.

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