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HE’S MAKING A LIST

As Christmas approaches, I find myself reflecting on my teenage son’s poor behavior this year. Specifically, he stole my car in the middle of the night, then sideswiped a parked car on his way home. Then he left the scene of the accident, abandoned the car and snuck home. Then he lied about it to me, to his mother and to lots of other people. I don’t want to explain why exactly, but trust me—this was a bigger issue than typical teenage mischief and some bent fenders. It turned into a very big deal before he finally owned up to the caper.

As a parent, how far does one take the naughty or nice principle? Does he get and XBox 360 or a lump of coal?

—Second-Story Man

The Tennessee Stud says: Well, frankly, I’ve done that myself. Except I got caught before I could sideswipe any cars—though not before I got so loaded I had to go have my stomach pumped. And I still got plenty of presents under the tree. I presume he’s still grounded, but I say let him out of his room and shower him with love.

The Gay Perspective: Children, like adults, do make mistakes, and sometimes, like adults, they lie about them. The specific reasons for lying are numerous and not always evil. Moreover, the mistakes of children are easier to forgive than the mistakes of adults, because they are a normal part of the learning process. As a parent, it is your duty to love your child without qualification. This does not mean you do not dole out discipline. Sometimes, out of love for your child, it is essential to assign discipline him, even when it pains you to do so, for if you do not, your son will grow up without a moral compass.

At Christmas time, however, all children are good. On this one day, forgive him his trespasses. There is a new year ahead. Moreover, you want you child to understand that whatever he does in life and whoever he becomes, he can depend upon the love of family.

Ruthless says: I say the lump of coal is uninspired. How about taking away his driver’s license (does he even have one?) and sending him to his room on Christmas Eve with no figgy pudding? Christmas Day you can observe by giving him a boatload of classic novels to read during the next six months while he is grounded from all activities (barring school, of course, and basketball, should he play that sport.) Either that or the XBox 360 Elite, with a copy of Grand Theft Auto IV.

Dr Sigmund Fraud says: I have a good friend who was in a situation very similar to yours, and because I will not mention him by name, I doubt he will mind me sharing his story. To complicate matters in my friend’s case, his son was discovered to be sneaking off to spend time with his girlfriend when the accident occurred. This magnified the problem because my friend, on the night of the “incident,” happened to be cheating on his wife with another woman—a well respected dentist. Worse, the son was aware of this ongoing infidelity. My friend was unable to appropriately discipline his son because he himself was guilty of similar clandestine activities at precisely the same time. And he knew that if he were to punish him too harshly, the boy might blurt out compromising information regarding my friend’s own adultery in front of the innocent wife and mother.

The Norwegian playwright Henrik Ibsen observed that the sins of the fathers are literally visited upon the children. My friend took a deep look into his own heart and through much contrition and anguish was able not only to break off the affair with the dentist, but also to confess it all and gain forgiveness from his wife. It was a long and unspeakably painful period for everyone concerned, but today the family is stronger and more loving than it ever was before the fateful night.

So before you choose a gift for your son this Christmas, look deep into your own heart. If you are harboring any sins that the boy is aware of, but your wife is not, by all means buy him the XBox 360.

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