Sports	Slugs and Kisses by Gabe Armstrong

Pivot Supernova leads the pack.

Remember roller derby? Not long ago, the sport was all but written off as a short-lived sensation—tough women on quad-wheel roller skates plowing through one another to sweet victory, in a pool of blood, tears and angst.

After a multi-decade dark age, the game has made a quick resurgence in popularity in just the past few years. The bats quickly escaped the cave, and the game has struck back with a swift vengeance throughout the nation’s larger cities. And now roller derby has finally made its way to the Buffalo area.

Enter: the Queen City Roller Girls, a brand new league of our own that adds a feisty athletic twist to a region already known for its not-so-subtle sports culture. The game features women showing off their pentup rage and aggression in an intensely competitive environment—this is a contact sport, after all. Metal Mistress, a team captain and league board member, weighs in on how the game’s late-1980s comeback has influenced so many girls to play the game today:

“When I was younger, roller derby was on TV in the late 1980s,” she says. “Do you remember MZ Georgia Hause and the T-Birds? The excitment and energy was amazing. There is so much you can do on eight wheels. Not to mention A&E Rollergirls, and thanks to the movie Xanadu for sparking my interest to roller skate at a young age.”

“What’s this obscure game all about?” those unfamiliar to this underground sport might ask. Like every other sport, roller derby has penalties, player positions and scoring. As usual, the team with the most points wins the game. Play is broken down into two 20-minute periods. Within these periods are segments of undisturbed action called “jams,” which last up to two minutes.

Jammers Fetishly Divine and Sweet Pea round the corner in pursuit of the pack.

Just before a jam begins, you’ll see four players from each time line up in “packs” next to each other. Three on each team are blockers, the game’s defensive skaters. Blockers use brute force to knock opposing offensive players out of bounds—or better yet face down on the floor—to prevent them from scoring.

“My favorite aspect of the game is the physical contact,” says Lease A. Hearse of the Queen City Roller Girls. “It sounds bad but it’s kind of fun knocking people down—in a safe and legal manner, of course.”

Mia Mauler weighs in with her own appreciation for the rougher side of the game. “I love how physical it is,” she says. “I think my favorite aspect of the game is knocking heads around. And I am so impressed by how strong and sturdy this group of women has become. It’s great to get low and swap paint with them.”

Blocking can only be done using hips and shoulders. Leading the blockers on defense is a player called the “pivot,” who is responsible for directing traffic and executing strategies for the team.

Here’s how the game’s offense works. Lining up far behind the packs is one “jammer” from each team. The jammers are the game’s offensive players. They utilize speed and agility to whiz by opposing blockers. They tend to be the team’s more nimble skaters and are the only ones eligible to rack up points. Jammers wear big stars on their helmets to facilitate both watching and officiating.

(L-R) Dr. Dementer, pivot Kelly KaPOWski, blockers C.N. Red, pivot Mia Mauler and jammer Fetishly Divine, who had just broken through the pack.

The whistle blows. The blockers and pivots on each team start skating a lap around the track. About 20 seconds later, the whistle blows again, signaling that the jammers on both teams can start skating laps. They can’t make contact with one another; only blockers of the same team can do so, to help propel them past opposing blockers.

Scoring is simple. After a jammer makes one successful lap around the track, she scores one point for each opposing player she can lap around. The first jammer to score earns the temporary title of “lead jammer.” This means she has the power to call off the current jam before the allotted two minutes have expired. This is particularly advantageous if one particular team has scored a lot of points and wishes to stop play to give the team a rest. A fatigued jammer has the option of handing off her role (and subsequently her star) to the pivot.

When a jam is over, it’s time for a line change. The clock is still running, so each team must quickly send a fresh batch of new troops onto the track. The next jam begins and the process repeats until the period ends, stopping play.

A sport so intense and competitive is bound to create tensions and rattle a few bones. Because of this, there are a number of penalties which can be assessed to offending players. Fighting is rare, but when fists fly, refs will not hesitate to dish out major penalties. More common are minor infractions like tripping, elbowing, intentionally skating out of bounds and illegal contact. Offenders are taken to the penalty box, thus causing their team to be short-handed. Remind you of hockey, eh?

In order to keep the girls as healthy as possible, safety gear is a must. Most wear standard-issue skateboarding helmets and pads, along with mouthguards. Frequently skating and keeping in generally good athletic shape is strongly encouraged.

(L-R) Outside blocker Holly Lulu, pivot Mia Mauler, blocker Diamond CrushHer, pivot Kelly KaPOWski and blockers Punk-N-Pi and Dr. Dementer.

The game is easy to follow and fun to watch for just about anyone who digs the derby style. Throw in the femme fatale attitudes the players espouse and it gets even better. The teams and players are all still pretty friendly with one another, so don’t expect any intense rivalries just yet. C.N. Red recently moved to Buffalo. “I had just moved from Syracuse to Buffalo, and I thought this would be a great way of meeting some people,” she says.

It all started last spring when three “saucy dames” known in the derby universe as Flo Torious, Sweet Pea and Sissy Fit formed the Queen City Roller Girls and began skating together at the Rainbow Rink in North Tonawanda. One thing led to another and the Queen City Roller Girls league was born.

Some quick recruitment rounded up a badass gang of vixens on wheels. Not long after there was a surge of slick logos and myspace pages. Local artist Joel Menter, best known for his band posters often seen on the walls of Mohawk Place, has designed many of the league’s posters, giving them his signature aesthetic edge.

Metal Mistress says the league came together fast: “Back six months ago we were a few girls meeting at an open skate.”

After plenty of practices, the girls have been split up into three teams: Devil Dollies, Suicidal Saucies and Nickel City Knockouts.

You may have noticed something about those spunky names each athlete uses. All the girls adopt new monikers to match their alter egos——kind of like professional wrestlers. These fun and expressive names sometimes even correspond in a way to a player’s real-life disposition. Jessica Keltz, a roller girl who has recently earned a law degree, has adopted the apropos moniker Ambulance Chase Her. Other well-considered identities include Punk N’ Pi, Dr. Dementer, Rockets Redglare, Nadia DamBusiness, Fetishly Divine, Kelly KaPOW-ski and Sheer Tara. In fact, all 30-some players’ names are masterpieces in themselves.

For many of these women it’s not just a hobby—it’s a lifestyle. Most range in age from late twenties to early forties. Most are in their thirties and either attend grad school or hold professional jobs.

If all this sounds intriguing, there is an exciting roller derby event this Saturday. It will be an exhibition bout between two special Valentine’s-themed teams, the Slugs and Kisses. Be sure to come and catch the action at the Rainbow Roller Rink, 101 Oliver St., North Tonawanda, Saturday, February 10. The bout begins at 7:30pm. Doors open at 7. Shortly thereafter, the regular season will begin. The girls will break up into their official teams.

“Saturday it becomes real. By next year we will be functioning as just as many of the other leagues before us, and very soon traveling the East Coast and in Canada,” Metal Mistress says.

Mia Mauler also sees a vastly expanded league in the near future. “I seriously hope to see our tiny league of three teams double in size to six teams of 15 women on each! That would be so awesome,” she says. “Just to find so many brave and saucy women who work hard and play harder is so exciting. It’s fantastic to have new girls stray into practice and watch us skate. The looks on their faces is a Kodak moment.”