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fox in the henhouse
I have a friend who works on a security detail at a casino. My friend has problems with both drugs and gambling. I feel like someone needs to know about this, because it seems likely he’s going to get himself and his employer in big trouble. What do I do?
—I.M. Worried
The Roller Girl says: You know what? They probably get that a lot, and undoubtedly know what to look for. Don’t worry your little head about the casino: They’ll certainly be just fine. If you truly care about your friend, make sure he knows that. You don’t have to stage an intervention, but make sure he understands how likely he is to get caught if he slips up, and also make sure he understands that the mechanisms of addition pretty much ensure that he will slip up in a trigger-laden environment like that.
The Crafty Office Girl says: Be candid and ask your friend directly if he/she feels this will present a problem, If he/she says no, offer to be there to help if it ever does. And just to be safe, rent him a copy of the movie Croupier. Hopefully, he’ll get it.
BABY NEEDS A NEW PAIR OF SHOES
Since last fall, I’ve developed a gambling problem. I’ll spare you the details of how I got to this point, but the fact is I’m at the point of bankruptcy. My wife and children don’t yet realize how dire the situation has become, but I’ve cleaned out our savings, maxed out our credit and gotten months behind on mortgage, car payments, etc. Last night I had to borrow $50 from my brother to buy a few groceries to put in the cupboard.
I’ve ruined our finances to such a point that only a miracle could restore the happy life our family enjoyed just a few short months ago. Still, the prospect of telling them drives makes me entertain thoughts of suicide. My question is this: If I can get my hands on any money, would you advise me to play it on the slots, blackjack, or roulette?
—Lucky LaRue
The Fashionista says: Forget gambling. Just rob a bank. Over the weekend I was watching a 48 Hours special on a man named Stephen Trantel who was a big shot on Wall Street. Gambled all of his money away on the stock market and resorted to robbing banks to catch up on bills. He robbed a total of nine banks before he finally got caught.
You know what kind of lesson I got out of that special? Just rob one or two banks and you should be golden. Don’t go over board, Mr. LaRue. Then you’re bound to get caught. Good luck!
The Wheelman says: You went to the casino, didn’t you? I told you not to go to the casino. The casino rips you off, man. I told you…you go to Buffalo Raceway down in Hamburg. I told you, last Saturday, you go down there and you bet the 7-4-3 trifecta in the fourth race. Mandy Doodles to win, Crown Rules to place and No Delusions to show. Did you go? No. I told you I got a guy. You’d gone down to the track last Saturday, bet like I told ya, the 7-4-3 Trifecta in the fourth…that sucker paid $285.
Your problem is you don’t listen. So why am I telling you this now? I don’t know why I try. Look, if you’re going to the casino, stick with the roulette wheel. I know a girl there. She looks like Jeannie’s little girl Karen. Yeah. She has a shift Saturday night. If they put her on the wheel, go up and tell her you’re Jaco. Then put a straight-up bet on black 33. Doesn’t matter how much you put down, you’re gonna get it back 36 times over. Put your house on the table, it doesn’t matter. You ain’t gonna lose. But you ain’t gonna listen to me, are ya? I don’t know why I waste my time.
The Square Dealer says: Should you get your hands on some cash, I advise you to dig up some unsavory characters at your local casino and engage them in a high-stakes game of roulette. Russian roulette. Given your recent gambling history, there’s very little chance that you’ll be the first one to get that lucky bullet. Once they’ve offed themselves, clean ’em out and hope it’s enough to buy your life back.
If it’s not, repeat. Only this time play alone.
Ask Anyone is local advice by and for local people. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.
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