forget me not

Last summer I attended my cousin’s wedding, and I arranged for the newlyweds to receive a gift—dinner and nice champagne—on their honeymoon. I’m pretty sure they got it, but I don’t know if they understood that it came from me: Everyone else has received a thank-you note and I have not. I don’t care about the note, but I don’t want my cousin to think I cheaped out. At the same time, it seems crude to drop a hint a year later. What do I do?

—Anonymous Donor

The Straight Perspective: Did you get them the present because you like them, or because you wanted to impress them with your largesse? If you really just wanted them to have some champagne and a nice night out, then you’re done.

But if you’re still worried about dropping hints a year later, it sounds like maybe you want Brownie points for this, in which case you should feel free to slyly grill them. That way you can ensure that they feel bad for forgetting to write you a note, you can subtly imply that they’re secretly tallying gift values to see how much to spend on you, and you can rest easy knowing you’ve done your part to further commercialize and de-romanticize the immense and crass industry that is Weddings, Inc.

The Gay Perspective: If you want to be sure, ask. It’s not difficult: “Did you get the dinner and champagne? I so enjoyed arranging it!”

tree money

Last year, the city cut down the big tree in front of my house. The act was paid for with millions in FEMA funds. At the time, I received a letter from the city saying they would be back later to take out the stump and replant a new tree in its place.

This spring, they came back and ground out half of the stump, leaving a huge knot of roots all over the place. When I asked when I’d be getting a new tree, the guy shut off his stump grinder, laughed, and said, “You’ll never be able to grow a tree here again!” He too was paid with more FEMA money.

Question: Did the city screw both me and the federal government when they chose to destroy their own urban forest?

—Dee Forrested

The Straight Perspective: Did you just fall off of the turnip truck? Naturally the city is screwing both you and the federal government—and, as per usual, itself in the process. This is a town that has decided to raze a beautiful neighborhood to build a truck plaza, that has turned a blind eye to egregiously dangerous polluters, that has continually lined the pockets of scurrilous developers and politicians while utterly failing to serve the vast majority of its residents.

It continues to do nothing to address dilapidated housing stock, appalling segregation, shockingly poor education statistics, and their handmaiden, a povery rate second to—well, one.

That said, I think you ought to reconsider what appears to be your concern for FEMA. Given their own record of service lately, they are actually a good partner for Buffalo. We just have to find a way for them to screw each other instead of us.

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