the memphis blues

My boyfriend and I have been together for three years. We fight sometimes, and my friends wonder what I see in him, but I don’t care because I love him.

A couple weeks ago I was getting ready to pay the phone bill and I saw all these calls to Memphis. I asked him about it, and he admitted that there was another woman down there and he planned to go see her to find out if what he had with her was real. I was crushed and angry and told him that if he went to see her in Memphis, it was over between us. He said fine, but that I should be proud that I was with a man so fine that lots of other women in bigger towns wanted him. Then he stormed out, didn’t come back until three in the morning and slept on the couch.

The next morning he told me he had canceled the trip to Memphis and that I was the only woman for him. He would never leave me. Those are the words I wanted to hear, but can I ever trust him again?

—Class Dismissed

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: You know what you should do, sister? Call down to Memphis yourself. You’ve got the number right there on the phone bill, don’t you? Muscle up the nerve and give this woman a call! I think you’ll find out a lot about your man that he’s not telling you.

Like, where did he meet this other woman? At a convention? Probably. Maybe he was communicating online with her, behind your back. How does that make you feel? That little bitch was making all kinds of overtures, no doubt, doing everything she could do to lure your man away. Do you think he told her how much he loves you? I don’t think so. He was interested, he got caught, and now he has the nerve to tell you that you should be proud that another woman found him attractive?

I won’t go so far as to call your boyfriend a loser, but I’ll tell you that one night spent on the couch isn’t penance enough.

I’ll tell you exactly what happened, because I was out at the bar your man ran to when he stormed out of the house. He was bothering everybody there, blathering into his cell phone in his big, booming voice about how he needed some reassurance. Saying crap like “I’ve learned from my mistakes, baby, and I want a fresh start with you, in Memphis.” Everybody in the bar got the impression that she kept hanging up on him, and the drunker he got, the louder and more pathetic his appeals became.

It’s no big deal if your relationship was just a casual fling, but something in your tone tells me that you’ve invested heavily here. Talk to the woman in Memphis. She may even sympathize with you, because she was clearly buying into his BS at some point. I’m willing to bet that there are a group of women out there who are sick of his lines.

You’ve been hurt, baby, but it’s through no fault of your own. You’re beautiful. If you just believe in yourself, then you may find that the kind, caring, and trustworthy man you deserve is standing there in the wings, waiting for you the moment this jackass exits the stage.

The Sales Guy says: I’m a little reluctant to give the dude the benefit of the doubt. If and when those big city sirens come a-callin’, will he buckle yet again to their enticing songs? You know him best: Is his self-esteem as low as his respect for you? My gut feeling is he’s both disposable and easily replacable. Shoot higher on the food chain next time.

The Straight Skinny: That’s a funny question. Tell your man to head on down to Memphis anyway. Tell him to hitch a ride with James A. Williams.

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