Absolut Nonsense	by Emily-Rose Maher

I think the outcry over the recent appearance of an Absolut ad that portrays part of the United States in Mexico says a lot about our country—and that’s not a compliment. The fact that people would be so horrified by an actual map of the way North America looked at one time is beyond confusing to me (not to mention the fact that the ad appeared only in Mexico—clearly not meant for our petrified, pale faces to see or understand).

I can boil down the immigration debate very simply based on the kind of ignorance this little ad has exposed: We up here in America like to do things the way our rich, white, forefathers intended, and that means rejecting anything different and scary. But how can we do it? Borders! We’ll act like we actually have a physical right to the land we stand on and somehow construct a barrier to keep those weirdos out. Yeah, that’s the stuff. Just don’t put so much as a dirty, poor, dark toe over this invisible line, and you’ll be fine. Just remember that you’re the “them” and we’re the “us,” and we’ll get along quite swimmingly.

Now I’m all for making sure we all pay our dues. I don’t like that there are people hanging out here and using the services my tax dollars pay for without making some kind of contribution themselves. But the fact is that these people can’t pay tax dollars, because we won’t let them become citizens. Can someone find the logic there? (And don’t give me one argument about all the jobs they’re taking away from you unless you’re just aching to clean toilets or gut sick cows with your bare hands seven days a week. Without worker’s compensation for all the injuries you’ve accrued. Or—gasp!—10-minute Starbucks breaks.)

What happened to this big ol’ melting pot, this unique and exciting opportunity for a new life, this bring me your tired and hungry and blah blah blah? What have we become? The kinds of people who stand at fences with guns and do anything we can to keep diversity out? Hey, here’s a good one: Where are all those fences and guns at the Canadian border? Where are the dogs trained to sniff out maple syrup smugglers? (The answer to that question just might scare a few of us who are too nervous to admit our own racism.)

In my Absolut world, Americans will get over themselves and start being citizens of this planet like everyone else. Our maps may be the way the picture looks right now, but that makes it neither an entitlement nor permanent. The sooner we realize that the “borders” we see on a map are nothing but boundaries in our minds, the sooner we will be more comfortable with the way the world is changing—and changing, mind you, without anyone’s consent. Not one of us really owns even the smallest piece of the earth, a concept that seems to have died along with the hoards of Native Americans our super awesome fore-fathers massacred in order to pave the way for 31,000 McDonald’s. (But that’s all water under the bridge, right?)

Bottom line: If everyone could just sit back, relax, and quit worrying about who has the audacity to stand in their backyard, I think we’d all be a lot better off.

Emily-Rose Maher

Buffalo

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