Artvoice: Buffalo's #1 Newsweekly
Home Blogs Web Features Calendar Listings Artvoice TV Real Estate Classifieds Contact
Previous story: Free Will Astrology

Ask Anyone

WHEN JOHNNY COMES MARCHING HOME

Last week I was out with an old high school friend—let’s call her Jill—when another old high school friend, who we’ll call Jack, walked past the patio where we were sitting. Jack, whom neither of us has seen or talked to in years, has just returned from a long tour of duty in Iraq.

Jill jumped from her seat, ran out to the sidewalk, and hugged Jack, saying, “Thank you for protecting my freedom!”

I was appalled, not only by her forwardness in accosting Jack but by the self-serving display of her politics. If I’d been moved to say anything beyond “Great to see you, how have you been,” I might have said “I’m so sorry for what you’ve had to go through.” But I did not and would not presume to say such a thing.

What the right way to react in a situation like that, both to Jack and to Jill? Was I wrong to be so put off by Jill’s behavior?

—Peacenik

Ruthless says: Ever heard of military groupies? Allotment Annies? Badge Bunnies? They love a man in a uniform, and think Marines are the new rock stars. They write them letters, send them cookies, stuffed animals, and pairs of their panties. Women who do this with convicted felons actually have a psychiatric diagnosis, called hybristophilia. (Look it up.) While this is not to compare our veterans to violent criminals, one must wonder whether the attraction stems from the dangerous and gruesome nature of the job, heartfelt patriotism, or the uniform itself.

You don’t elaborate on the marital status of “Jill,” although that’s beside the point: Perhaps you were simply (and rightfully) embarrassed by what basically sounds like a shameless come-on. Whatever the case, stop hanging out with this chick or you’ll come off as a self-righteous, man-hating, anti-American, Commie prude.

And Big Brother is watching.

The Sales Guy says: Although the general view of the moment is that the Iraq invasion and occupation was the single biggest blunder in the history of the United States, the men and women who were sent to fight and risk their lives do deserve a thank you. Thank you for their sacrifice, their ruined health, their wrecked relationships, their lost jobs, the two years ripped out of their lives. How they are thanked should be up to the individual. Although Jill’s remark seemed a little politically contrived, it sounds like if Jack played his cards right with Jill he could get thanked all night long. Which isn’t that appalling.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: The Gang of Four—not the Chinese leftist political faction, but the leftist 1980s British post punk band—scored a minor hit with the song “I Love a Man in a Uniform.” The lyrics go like this: The good life was so elusive/Handouts, they got me down/I had to regain my self-respect/So I got into camouflage/The girls they love to see you shoot/I love a man in a uniform.”

Your friend Jill was just putting on a self-serving display of her libido, not her politics.

There’s nothing new about it, and nothing unique to our current global predicament. If you can find one who’s still alive, just ask one of our World War Two veterans what he did the first night they marched into Paris as liberators. If he tells you he bypassed the cafes bustling with celebratory young mademoiselles to write a letter home to his mom, the vet is either a liar or sadly forgetful.

Ask Anyone is local advice by and for local people. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.

blog comments powered by Disqus