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Ask Anyone

PAIN AT THE PUMP

Last weekend I saw a new friend’s girlfriend with another guy. I saw them at a gas station, and it was clear to me something was going on between them—they held hands, they were laughing, their body language was intimate. My new friend was out of town at the time. I like this guy a lot, but now I feel uncomfortable around him. I feel doubly uncomfortable around his girlfriend. I want to say something. Do I raise the subject? Or do I let this new friendship just fizzle away because the suspicion is killing me?

—Too Much Information

The Gay Perspective: You don’t know, for sure, what you saw, and no matter how good this new friend is, his relationship is none of your business. With that in mind, you can “innocently” ask the girlfriend, “Who was that I saw you with at the gas-station? A relative? Aw, I wish I’d said hello!” And you can drop a similarly innocent clue to your perhaps clueless friend. Then stand back and stay out of it.

The Practical Cogitator says: How new is your friend? Are you sure it’s his girlfriend? Maybe he is the other man, and Gas Station Guy is the real boyfriend. How much do you know about their relationship? Maybe it’s “open.” Do you live in a glass house? I’d keep this sighting under your hat. If your suspicions are killing you, it might be better for you to stay home and watch, say, CSI, Cold Case, or Desperate Housewives—any of those will satisfy.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: What is it about the smell of gasoline that brings out the sexual animal in some people? Donna Karan recognized this and offered a men’s fragrance that incorporated the scent into a cologne called “Fuel” several years back. It has since been discontinued, but is still available on the internet for a couple hundred bucks a bottle. For me, it revives the freedom of my later teenage years—filling up the tank and driving to the beach over the hot blacktop with the top down. Back to a time when life was really like a Bruce Springsteen song, populated by young, bored girls glistening in the moonlight and dreaming of adventurous escape. Others, perhaps like you, find the smell repulsive and can’t understand this strange phenomenon.

Look, I didn’t know she had a boyfriend when we met at the pump. And I can’t tell you whether it was the way she gently held the hose, or twisted the cap, or the way she inserted the handle into the filler neck, but I felt myself falling. I’m not proud of it. The fumes were working on me. Yes, you saw us caressing—but that was after I had pumped 30 gallons into the tank! So explosive was this passion that I nearly lit a cigarette right then and there.

I suggest you put the image out of your head. I promise you it was a chance encounter that will never happen again. We were just two of the millions of Americans struggling with an addiction to oil.

VOTER TURNOFF

My friend is very upset. On the evening of Election Day, her husband confessed to her that he did not vote for president. Apparently, he couldn’t decide, so he didn’t make a choice. He went on to say that he did however vote for the local candidates—by closing his eyes and randomly pressing levers. My friend admitted to having lost a great deal of respect for her husband. She is appalled by him taking for granted the right to vote. After all, her female ancestors (and minorities) fought and suffered for this right. But most of all, she feels that what he did is unethical. She is trying to understand why he bothered to vote at all if he was that undecided. Her logic is that if he did not make a choice for president due to his indecision, then he should not have made random choices for the local candidates. He justified his action by saying that whom ever gets into office will do a good job regardless of party. My friend wants to know how she can help her husband understand that every vote matters, that it is not something which should be left to chance?

Mock the Vote

The Sales Guy says: I was taught growing up that voting was a precious right and every citizen’s civic responsibility. Sounds corny, I know, but I take this very seriously. My uncle landed at Anzio during World War II; being an Italian-American and history major, I appreciated his service and loyalty to his adopted country even if it meant helping to invade his father’s land. If you are an American citizen, you have responsibilities, whether it’s voting or protesting. As far as your hubby is concerned, come election day he should have researched the candidates and the issues regardless of your ancestors’ discriminatory troubles. I hope someday people vote because of duty not because they’re excited and suddenly motivated by the candidate’s skin color. I voted for Obama because he was the best choice, just as Gore was in 2000. Unfortunately, half of the African-American electorate decided they weren’t motivated or excited enough that year. In retrospect, a tragic and catastrophic decision on their part, don’t you think?

The Gay Perspective:

This can’t possibly be the first evidence that her husband is politically wishy-washy. (And speaking of ethics, did he confide this “confession” in his wife, or is he bragging about it all over town? If it is the former, why is she repeating this confession?) Many couples disagree about politics. She can get to know more about his thinking if they talk about politics more. This course of action does come with its own risks. To begin, he might convince her, rather than the other way around. Or, she might continue to lose respect for her husband. Also, you are being invited to interfere in your friend’s marriage, which is seldom a good idea; she will probably be less upset about this by next week, and when she is, let’s hope you have not said anything too critical of the man she loves.

Ask Anyone is local advice by and for local people. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.

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