So Many Men...

It’s cool that Buffalo is small, except that everywhere I go there’s an old boyfriend, some one I slept with once or whetever. This one time I went out for drinks with my current boyfriend (who I love) and there were two guys I’d dated in the bar, and one of them was the bartender. It was so awkward. My boyfriend was nice and said not to worry about it, but I’m not comfortable with it. What’s the best way to handle this issue?

—Mae West-Side

The Gay Perspective: I’m assuming you are a straight woman, right? Otherwise this question makes no sense whatsoever. I think the best way to handle this is simply not to have lived the life you have lived, not to have dated the men you have dated, and not to live in the town where you have lived. In other words, it’s too late now. You seem to be applying a double-standard to yourself about which your boyfriend does not even care. Did you tell him you were a virgin or something? If not, relax and get over it

The Straight Skinny: I’m not exactly clear on your dates. You pick up your boyfriend, head to somewhere you know you’ll run into old flames, and then as you eat you say, “Oh, there’s a guy I slept with,” and “Hey, did you know I once gave our waiter a blowjob by the dumpster?” And your boyfriend says, “Oh, that’s fine,” because he also gave the waiter a blowjob by the dumpster but is just more circumspect about it. Take a page from his book: silence is the better part of valor.

The Practical Cogitator says: Here is my suggestion: change where you are hanging out. If you were a regular on Allen Street, try Hertel, or University Heights, or downtown clubs, or head to Ellicotville for a weekend. You’ve changed your boyfriend, now change your scene. Explore new places, new restaurants, move on, baby. Seems like you’re in a rut where you hang, check out some new places, it may be as refreshing as the new guy.

‘TIS THE SEASON

My maniac boss has asked me to start organizing our office Kris Kringle gift exchange. I don’t want to give or receive the crappy presents that co-workers are forced to exchange during the holidays. Since I’m being forced to organize this thing, may I opt out?

—Humbug

The Patient Approach: I would just put up with both the organization of and participation in the secret Santa exchange. If you don’t it might affect your boss’s opinion of you and will make your officemates think of you as a grinch or scrooge-like character. If you are honestly so strapped for cash that you can’t afford it then, certainly, pay your bills. But if not just have an extra strong glass of egg nogg and just deal with it. Everyone will think you better for it.

Dining Out says: If I were you, I’d take advantage of your newly appointed authority as “Company Party Planner.” Its an inter-office gift exchange...not a lay-off session. Tell your co-workers to wear their ugliest holiday sweaters, bring appetites for fruit cake & eggnog, and bring the worst possible presents from The Dollar Store. Pump up the volume on your most obnoxious holiday soundtrack, spin a few dradles, and get your boss drunk.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud Says: I’m having a hard time focusing on your question because I’m wracking my brain trying to recall if I too slept with the woman in the previous column. On the one hand, I probably did. On the other hand, it makes me feel sort of used when I think of how she seems to tell everyone in earshot who all she’s slept with. And yet, I’m strangely drawn to her. As for your party, yeah, whatever, it’s not like you’re planning the innaugural ball. Just make sure there are drinks. This business of alcohol-free holiday work parties is absurd. The whole point is for everyone to drink a little too much so they make bad decisions that will fuel office gossip all through the long, cold winter. It’s tradition!

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