double shift

For the past six months I’ve been dating a woman I work with, and it’s great for about 16 hours of the day. From nine to five, however, it’s a terrible distraction. I feel that I must constantly be tending to her, when I have work to do; if I don’t pay attention to her, she gets frustrated with me.

Once we leave work, it’s like none of it happened, we get along great and we’re both happy. But those eight hours are stressing me out. Which part of the day is a more accurate reflection of our relationship?

—Married to My Work

Ruthless says: “Don’t shit where you eat, my friend.” Maybe that’s not an accurately placed adage but it’s really the same concept: Lose your job and your relationship will surely suffer (who’s going to buy stuff?) and lose your relationship and your job suffers (you think you don’t get along now?). And why doesn’t she have the same concerns as you do? Does she not have as much to do? If she doesn’t, then you should delegate! Find a way to increase her workload by sloughing your responsibilities off onto her. It’s great practice for your future together, should you make it that far. You could also approach your boss with your dilemma. You could ask him or her to either promote, demote or otherwise transfer one of you. Or to give your sweetie-pie a stern talking to about “canoodling” in the workplace, as I think they call it.

As to which part of the day is an “accurate reflection of your relationship,” does it really matter? If she’s a high-maintenance, attention-hungry, needy and frustrated person for a third of your entire day (and she’s probably sleeping a third too), then who cares which building you are in?

The Straight Perspective: I guess it sort of depends on what kind of work you’re doing, andwhether it’s a permanent career for the two of you. For example, if you’re a neo-natal neurosurgeon, and she’s a pesky nurse who won’t stop hiding your scalpel, you need to let her know right away that there’s a problem, and that she’s got to deal with it. Ditto if you’re both firefighters and she keeps “playing dead” so you’ll rescue her. But if you’re a pole dancer and she’s a bartender, maybe she’s just a little jealous, and you should take it with a grain of salt, or perhaps even a little pride. And if she’s the pole dancer and you’re the bartender, then you could just count your blessings—I used to

tend bar, and there are way worse things to be distacted by.

THE TIPPING POINT

How much do you tip a barista at a coffee shop counter? I don’t really feel like baristas are doing to much for me compared to servers in a sitdown restaurant, and I suspect baristas are paid a better base salary too. Some even get insurance. Am I just being cheap?

—Just Being Cheap

The Straight Perspective: Of course it’s outrageous to have to tip coffee servers. You’re not being cheap. But think of it this way: Every time you overpay for coffee or running shoes or a steak dinner or a designer purse, you’re essentially tipping poeple who are already rich, so will it kill you to throw a little change the way of someone who’s working for $7 an hour?

Ruthless says: Okay, you cheap bastard. Let’s have a little math lesson here: At a sitdown restaurant, you tip 20 percent of the bill, correct? (It better be). So let’s say you just get a sandwich and a soda one day, and let’s say the bill is $10, and let’s say you leave a $2 tip. (You with me?) And another day you take your significant other (who I’m assuming is not a barista) out to dinner, and the bill comes to $100, so you leave a $20 tip. (Still there?) Now, if you buy a $1 cup of coffee, do you leave a 20-cent tip? Hell no! That’s insulting. How much money can the person be making selling $1 cups of coffee anyways?

(As a side note, most cups of coffee are priced in such a way that it is both convenient, easy and fair just to leave the change. So if your coffee is $2.25, you can leave the 75 cents and actually be tipping more than 20 percent, which may seem high to you but definitely beats being a cheap bastard).

The (Sometimes) Cheap Bastard says: Maybe the question you should be asking yourself is how much you should tip the guy who makes your sandwich at the deli, or perhaps the ice cream scooper girl. Because they do the same job the barista does—work at a counter preparing food and/or drink. The main difference between them and Java Jane is that she’s put a cutesy jar—smiley faces and “Tipping Isn’t a city in China” written in bubble letters—on the counter. Leave your change behind—it adds up. But if she’s gone over the top—she’s made you smile, or her clever tip jar made you laugh—then leave a buck behind.

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