Ask Anyone

COULD THIS BE

THE END OF LOVE?

Yesterday I called to make Valentine’s Day dinner reservations at my favorite romantic restaurant, and as soon as I hung up I realized that I’d been going there nearly every Valentine’s Day for 10 years, accompanied over the years by a succession of girlfriends. The thought made me immediately depressed, and, though I know it’s wrong, that depression immediately infected my feelings toward my current girlfriend (who is now on her second V-Day trip to that restaurant). I feel like we’re fooling ourselves.

This is always happening to me. Why do holidays suck?

—Stuck in a Rut

The Crafty Office Girl says: Stop letting the past determine your feelings about the present and future. If you want to make a change, then don’t sit there complaining about how badly you feel—CHANGE. A good start would be trying something new, like a new restaurant for you and your date, perhaps somewhere neither of you have been before so it is fresh for both of you together.

After that, try considering if your current lady is someone you can envision yourself with happily five years from now on Valentine’s Day.

Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: I could offer you a long list of reasons why holidays suck, but instead I’ll tell you why you have gone through a succession of girlfriends. You suffer from “commitmentphobia,” a disorder named in the popular 1987 self-help book Men Who Can’t Love. Hallmarks of this condition include a deep craving for that which you fear (a lasting relationship.) It’s clear by your unimaginative Valentine’s Day dining routine that you shudder in the presence of the unknown. You take comfort in the immutable consistency of the familiar restaurant’s decor and fare, even as your companions change.

Because I’ve had romantic affairs with several of your past girlfriends, I also know that your dull approach extends into the bedroom, where your prowess has been described as “scripted and pitiful.” Sorry, but women talk. And I’ve never heard one of them say they’d like to meet an easily depressed guy who always feels like things are “happening to him.”

I advise you to cancel your dinner reservations and throw yourself headlong into the sweet, terrifying abyss of intimacy. Go on a long drive without a destination on February 14 as you and your girlfriend explore mental, spiritual and physical peaks and valleys through conversation and caresses. Take the next day off from work and plan on waking up in a blissful embrace in a distant location. You must let go of your tightly guarded “self” before you can experience the mind-bending power and release that is granted to only the bravest and fiercest of lovers.

But if you’re not up for that, go ahead and take her to the same old restaurant. I’m sure your girlfriend will fill me in on all the boring details of the night in due time.

YEP, COULD BE

THE END OF LOVE

I think I’m going to break up with my girlfriend, but I don’t know if I have the heart to do it right before Valentine’s Day. It seems cruel. On the other hand, spending a Valentine’s Day with her while feeling the way I do seems terribly dishonest. What is the right thing to do?

—Stuck in a Rut

The Crafty Office Girl says: Are you serious? Although I do believe that honesty is the best policy, breaking up with someone right before Valentine’s Day or his/her birthday seems cold and mean—and could be easily construed as cheap, too. Being dumped is hard enough; being dumped right before Valentine’s Day seems really harsh. Tough it out for one more day then do what you have to do.

The Sales Guy says: Oh, woe is you. Give me a break. You cruise through the year with someone you have no true depth of feelings for, then on holidays are overcome with guilt. Hey, if you want to play the selfish prick role, save the fake remorse for someone who buys your crap. Try the truth once in a while; it might be a refreshing change of pace for everyone concerned.

Happy Valentines Day.

Ask Anyone is local advice by and for local people. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.