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Ask Anyone

outta my facebook

Is anyone over there trapped in a Facebook web? I just ended a relationship, and also decided to “de-friend” my ex, but what with the amount of friends we have in common there is no way to avoid hearing about him and vice-versa. Plus, I read innuendo into every comment he makes, and I’m sure he’s making snide references about me all the time. It’s totally paranoia-inducing.

If I take a break from Facebook I’ll feel hopelessly out of the loop, but it seems like there’s no way to engage in “Facebooking” without constant reminders of this person.

Is there a solution? Is there a way to not only “block” somebody,” but “block” all references to that person?

Caught in a Net on the Net

The Practical Cogitator says: Yes! You can delete friends from your Friend List, and your friend will not be notified. However, Facbeook Friend Finder may suggest you add that friend back based on the number of mutual friends you have, and of course your friends can suggest you friend another, again and again, and yet again. And if Facebook Friend Finder suggests to your ex that he add you to be his friend, he will clearly know that you have de-friended him. (Damn that Friend Finder.)

You could try to use FB to your advantage…keep him as your friend, and now you can see what events he’s going to to, might be going to, and is not going to, so you can avoid any uncomfortable run-ins. You can see which groups he joins, and what he’s up to. Remember, knowledge is power, but also remember that there was life before Facebook, and a Facebook break can be very refreshing.

That’s Classified says: There’s a handy little button called “Learn Less About This Person.” I suggest you clickity-click away. This allows you to stop receiving news feeds about him, or any of your mutual friends. Also practice your skimming abilities, pass over sets of pictures you know he or she might be in. Don’t get too personal on your page when it comes to moods, dates, parties you will attend, etc. That information will most certainly make it back into your ex’s hands. Or just opt to shower your personal page with the love of your new found freedom or your hunky new partner.

The Straight Perspective says: The best was I have found to deal with this is to go on the offensive. Make a fake Facebook boyfriend (fFBbf). All you do is make a brand new account with a different email address. Then you scour Facebook looking for someone’s pictures to steal. Make sure you steal a few of those and toss them on your new profile. Fill out all the music/movie information with things that will piss off your ex—all the bands he wouldn’t take you to see, all the chick flicks that he never watched with you. You get bonus points if you make your fFBbf a doctor, lawyer, or dentist. Make sure that you make your fFBbf’s profile set to public; that way, when your ex-boyfriend Facebook stalks (ebFBs) you, he will be able to see your sexy new fake boyfriend in all his glory. If you really want to start something send your ex a friend request from your new fake boyfriend. Remember: Your alternate reality is only as good as you make it.

Or you could just get over it and stop being paranoid. Whatever’s easier.

Ruthless says: Facebook is fast becoming the High School Hallway From Hell, only without the middle-aged, underpaid hall monitors and those kiss-ass student volunteers to wash the graffiti away. It’s a free-for-all, it’s a train wreck, it’s a travesty—and it’s pretty amazing how quickly adults regress under the blanket of technology. We’re even meaner than the kids these days (thanks, Lori Drew), and it’s going to get a lot worse before it gets better. People lose contact for reasons, and “re-connecting” is not a good thing with people who you never “connected” with in the first place. Seriously, Facebook is just like high school. There’s enforced socialization, it’s cliquey, it’s catty, it’s revenge-oriented, it’s competitive, it encourages the worst of human nature. It is shallow, soulless, and addictive—like a vicious circle you cannot escape. Maybe people could join Facebook in four-year cycles? Make it through, and you can graduate!

My advice is to be the rebel, the loner. Disconnect, take drugs, cry alone, smoke cigarettes, whatever. Only don’t take pictures of yourself doing said things, and don’t post them on Facebook.

Please send your questions for our panel of experts to advice@artvoice.com.