Scorecard: The Week's Winners & Losers
The Sell-Out Matrix
Self-proclaimed “Wing King” Drew Cerza, founder of the annual Buffalo Wing Festival, is lending his visage to Pizza Hut for a series of commercials promoting their new deep fried “Buffalo Style” wings. We’re all for selling out here at the Week in Review (this column is in fact sponsored by the good folks at Perryman’s Disposable Enemas™), but this promotion puts our City’s reputation on the line. Like it or not, Cerza is the public face and ombudsman when it comes to our famous food. Cerza seems pleased with the result, “I know a great wing the second I taste one, and the taste of WingStreet hits the mark,” which I’m sure had nothing to do with the sizable check he received for the endorsement.
Artvoice hasn’t tried the new wings yet (If you’re reading Pizza Hut, samples can be sent C/O The Week In Review at 810 Main St., Buffalo, N.Y.) but based on Pizza Hut’s prior body of work its safe to say that we’d rather eat the contents of a colostomy bag (prove us wrong Pizza Hut!).
In honor of Cerza, the Week In Review presents the following hypothetical scenarios and where they would fall on our Sell-Out Matrix.
The Week's Winners & Losers
 Prison Breaks In one of the easiest prison escapes in history, Brian Collins, 24, kept officers at bay for two hours on Oct. 4 on the roof of Erie County Holding Center after his cell door was left unlocked. The guard responsible has since been suspended with pay. |
 'Quinto' Mom Octomom’s still got the bragging rights, but for possibly the first time in the history of Children’s Hospital, quintuplets were delivered Oct. 1 to John and Bridgett Mistalski of Lockport. That makes nine kids total for the couple and officially, zero sex life. |
 Dick JauronAfter a demoralizing 38-10 pounding by the Miami Dolphins Oct. 4, it’s safe to say, barring a miraculous turnaround, the “Jauron Era” is nearing an end. Good thing coach got a contract extension and thus, hefty buyout clause, during the offeseason. |
 Hot News AnchorsMichael Barrett, 48, who is charged with stalking and filming naked ESPN reporter Erin Andrews through a hotel peephole, was arrested Oct. 2 at Chicago O’Hare Airport after returning from a trip to Buffalo. Ladies of the local news, be on alert! |
 White Collar JusticeAn appeals court judge on Oct. 5 upheld the 12-year prison sentence given to 84-year old John Rigas, former Adelphia founder and Buffalo Sabres owner. One of the harshest penalties for corporate crime in recent memory, Rigas will be 92 at release. |
By the numbers...
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11
Percent decrease in state agency spending across-the-board as directed by New York governor David Patterson. Cutbacks will total $500 million and will not include personnel services. The state is facing a potential $3 billion deficit for the 2009 fiscal year. |
460,000
Estimated number of “priority cases” in Erie County for receiving the H1N1 Swine Flue Vaccine. Priority groups include pregnant women, children under the age of 24 and the sick and elderly. State officials estimate receiving 91,000 initial doses for distribution throughout Upstate New York from the 250 million purchased by the federal government. |
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13,460
Total dollars in school lunch money stolen by Lisa M. Murphy, 46, a cashier and bookkeepper for the Lancaster School District. As part of a plea deal Oct. 6, Murphy must resign from her job, pay full resitution for the funds taken between March 1 and March 11 this year and placed on five years probation. |
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