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Scorecard: The Week's Winners and Losers
by Zachary Burns
As another Buffalo Bills season swirls around the toilet bowl, circling ever closer to that inevitable end, it’s hard not to wonder what’s going on inside the minds of players who don’t have much beyond pride to play for anymore. Speculate no longer, friends. Thanks to the modern-day miracle of Twitter, which has graduated from the soapbox of choice for self-absorbed technophiles to the soapbox of choice for the self-absorbed everywhere, we know!
Terrell Owens’ prowess as a prolific tweeter is well known, but many of his teammates also keep the world informed of their daily doings. You know the Week in Review just waits with bated breath to find out what a backup tight end does on Tuesday night! Therefore, we present a sampling of actual public tweets made in the past week by Bills players. (Note: Not all online identities can be confirmed as belonging to the players, but the fact that they all follow each other is a good sign these are legit accounts.)
fallin bac watching ghost of girlfriends past...lol my boy is a trip!
3:26 PM Nov 24th from web
ANALYSIS: Apparently Bills rookie tight end Shawn Nelson is a fan of chick flicks. Let’s just hope “my boy” isn’t a reference to über-douche Matthew McConaughey.
Good wing spots near hamburg? Small tasty wings?
5:34 PM Nov 30th from UberTwitter
ANALYSIS: Safety Donte Whitner needs an education in our local culinary fare. Small wings? He’s clearly not from around here.
sweet table. I’m a beer pong champ. Me and Kaleta dominate all challengers n the Buffalo area. LOL
about 16 hours ago from Twittelator in reply to Geeshums
ANALYSIS: Injured linebacker Kawika Mitchell is out for the year, so we can’t blame him for keeping competitive in other sports.
Did everyone get some christmas shoppin done today? Is #blackfriday named dat cuz black folks need the sales?? umm real ? who no the meaning
4:23 PM Nov 27th from web
ANALYSIS: Somebody is pulling wide receiver James Hardy’s leg. Off topic: Hardy quotes French playwright Moliere in another tweet.
shaving ur asshair & leaving it on ur neighbor’s porch is never the answer. WOW!!!!!!!!!!
about 2 hours ago from Echofon
ANALYSIS: Former Bill and Hall of Fame running back is apparently privy to one hell of an inside joke. There’s not much more to be said about this. Move along now. Move along.
The Week's Winners & Losers
Yes, despite the fact that we live directly next to the largest source of freshwater on the planet, on Dec. 2 the Erie County Water Authority approved a rate hike of 10 cents per 1,000 gallons. In other news, drinking directly from the lake remains free!
Young Earth Creationists
On Nov. 25 the pseudo-science heathens at the Buffalo downtown library unveiled a new exhibit honoring the 150th anniversary of Charles Darwin’s publishing of On the Origin of Species, which first proposed the theory of evolution.
High School Football
For the second straight year, WNY high schools went a perfect 4-for-4 at the state championships Nov. 28-29. Joining back-to-back winners Sweet Home (Class A) and Southwestern (Class C) were North Tonawanda (AA) and Randolph (D).
Fed up by state lawmakers’ inability to close a $3.2 billion budget deficit, Gov. David Paterson threatened to make the cuts himself, including $300 million to schools. The bluff worked. On Dec. 2 legislators agreed to $2.8 billion in spending cuts.
In a move that surprised no one, the New York State Senate voted down a proposal on Dec. 2 to legalize gay marriage. Big ups go to Sen. Antoine Thompson, the only local to vote in favor of equality. Message to Dale Volker: You can’t stop progress.
By the numbers...
Number of consecutive snowless days in Buffalo before 5.8 inches were recorded on Dec. 1 at the National Weather Service in Cheektowaga. This represents the fourth-longest snow drought since records were first kept in 1884 and the longest in 61 years. The all-time record of 277 days was set in 1946.
Number of registered sex offenders who were kicked off the social networking sites Myspace and Facebook as required by the e-STOP law. NY Attorney General Andrew Cuomo, who spearheaded the law, made the announcement at a press conference in Amherst on Dec. 1.
Republican Chris Lee’s rank among the 435 wealthiest congressman in the House according to 2009 financial disclosure forms reported in Roll Call on Nov. 30. Lee’s estimated net worth (assets minus liabilities) of $7,385,00 was only third highest in New York but dwarfed fellow WNY representatives Louise Slaughter ($1,016,00), Eric Massa ($66,000) and Brian Higgins ($65,000).
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