Artvoice: Buffalo's #1 Newsweekly
Home Blogs Web Features Calendar Listings Artvoice TV Real Estate Classifieds Contact
Previous story: Generational Theft
Next story: Free Will Astrology

Married to her but attracted to him

“What’s happening to me? I love my wife and kids so why can’t I continue hiding my feelings anymore and keep everything under control? I feel like my life is spinning out of control. Why me? Why now? I feel so lost, ashamed, alone and frightened.”

If you are experiencing feelings such as these, you’re not alone. The members of the Gay/Bi Married Men’s Discussion Group at Pride Center of Western New York share these feelings with you.

Gaywatch Events

2/20:

Pride Youth Drop-in. 1pm. Games, snacks, discussions, & movies for LGBT individuals ages 18-24. The Pride Center, 206 South Elmwood, 3rd floor.

2/24:

Life Changes. 6pm. The Pride Center, 206 South Elmwood, 3rd floor.

Buffalo Community of the Holy Spirit. 6pm. Intimate Eucharist (communion service, mass) with social after. The Pride Center, 206 South Elmwood, 3rd floor.

Stonewall Democrats of WNY. 7pm. The Pride Center, 206 South Elmwood, 3rd floor.

According to research by Amity Pierce Buxton, Ph.D. in The Other Side of the Closet: The Coming-Out Crisis for Straight Spouses and Families (New York, John Wiley and Sons, Inc. 1994), there are approximately two million mixed orientation marriages and roughly 3.5 million children of these marriages. Clearly, you are not alone in this crisis. Men who come to the Gay/Bi Married Men’s Discussion Group should be prepared to be greeted warmly and listened to, at whatever your comfort level. You will be invited to attend the weekly meetings, but there’s no pressure. Members will come to realize and accept that there are no simple answers, nor quick fixes.

Attending that first meeting can be very nerve-wracking for a any man. You may still be deep in the closet, not out to anyone, and have never even been in a gay bar let alone spilled your guts in a room full of other gay and bisexual men. The very thought is enough to give some the shakes. However, the experience can be truly amazing if you give it the chance. For the first time in your life, you will be surrounded by supportive men who share your experiences, understand how you feel, and accept you unconditionally for who you are and where you are in your process of self-discovery. It is what keeps our discussion group coming back week after week.

Here is how one member described his experience:

Attending a Gay/Bi Married Men’s meeting is typically a new experience for most of us. What I would like to emphasize about our group is the comradeship we have for each other. After all, we are a support group of men with similar paths in life. We come to the meeting for ourselves (and dealing with family issues), but at the same time we’re here for each other.

Another factor about the group is the confidentiality we have for each other. We want new members, as well as existing members, to feel welcomed, respected, understood and safe. We are not professionals in the area of counseling, so our goal is not to pass on any authority or directive or to try and tell fellow members what they should or shouldn’t do. We speak from the ‘I’ position and hopefully from the heart to try and explain what we are doing and thinking as individuals, and what we have found that either worked or didn’t work (there being a lot of trial and error in life and lessons to be learned). We are there to share our own life experiences.

Sometimes we come to the group with a lot more questions than answers. All we each have is our story to share and out of that sharing, hopefully, will comes tools that will help each other. I think you will find the group to be a non-threatening place to be. I not only get my therapy from the group, but have also met a wonderful group of men that I shall hold near to my heart for years to come. Remember, you are not alone. Reach out; no one needs to go through this part of his life alone. That’s why we have this group.

If you don’t feel like sharing right away and you just want to listen, that’s all right. We do not want to cause any undue stress or discomfort. If you choose to come regularly, there will be plenty of time to share once you are ready and comfortable.

The Gay/Bi Married Men’s Discussion Group is about sharing, supporting, listening, helping, and growing. Members are pre-screened by Pride Center staff and meeting times and locations are confidential. Safety and anonymity are part of our priorities. For more information about the Gay/Bi Married Men’s Discussion Group, please contact Damian at 852-PRIDE or online via the contact us portion of our Web site, www.pridecenterwny.org.

bryan whitley-grassi

blog comments powered by Disqus