I recently made a proposal to a friend and his wife. If he would drive me to and from the airport for a trip to California, I would drive him and his wife to and from the airport in November when they are going to Egypt. He did their part of the deal and now it appears I’m no longer going to be here in November to take them, as my moving plans were accelerated. How do I tell them and what, if anything, do I owe them? A cab fare to the airport from my house, once cost me $25, one way.
—Leaving on a Jet Plane
The Gay Perspective: A deal is a deal. At minimum, you owe them a timely phone call, an apology, and a negotiation for an alternate fair exchange. If you can swing the cab fare, offer it. If you can hook them up with another ride, offer it. Otherwise, see what they propose. These are friends, after all. They will understand that things come up and plans can change.
The Straight Perspective: These sorts of questions would all be resolved if the city would extend the subway out Genesee to the airport. Wouldn’t that be nice? And wouldn’t it be great if it were above ground, so more folks would use it, and so , being cheaper, it would actually be built?
In the meantime: It would be more than generous for you to pay for your friends’ cab ride—nice, but not really necessary. Are these friends so tenuously attached to you that they would begrudge you a drive to the airport? Doesn’t a relocation trump a promised future ride? I say, get them a cab just to be kind, but know that the gesture, like your guilt, is not necessary.
to tell or no?
I just broke up with my boyfriend a couple of weeks ago. I also just recently found out that I was pregnant but unfortunately suffered a miscarriage. I’m wondering if I should tell him about the loss of our child even though we are no longer together.
—I’ve Got a Secret
The Roller Girl says: Oh, honey, that’s a rough one. You should probably tell him at some point, but your immediate priority is going to have to be taking care of yourself. Make sure you are physically and emotionally healed and stable and okay. Once you’re well enough to spare the attention, then you can see if he’s in a position where finding out about this is something he’s going to be able to process. (Don’t wait, for example, until you hear that he’s engaged to someone elsez or something.)
So, in a word, yes, you should tell him, but it’s not urgent. It’s not like there’s anything anyone can do now. He has a right to know that it happened, but it’s not inappropriate to wait until you can be calm and matter-of-fact about it. Even if that’s a few months, or maybe even longer. If you’re strong enough to tell him now, then do so, but it’s likely you have enough on your plate without that additional potential for drama.
And my condolences—that’s a really awful thing to have happen, all around. Take care of yourself first.
The Straight Skinny says: I’m sorry for your loss. Even people who aren’t interested in having children have a difficult time after a miscarriage. Please keep in mind that your hormones are likely a bit…um…wacky at this juncture in time.
That being said, I wouldn’t tell him. Not yet, and maybe not ever. Give yourself time to heal.
Room for Rent says: I also extend my condolences, and I agree that you should not mention it to your ex. You parted company for a reason, and it would likely ad to any misery you both are feeling.
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