Outsourcing

Buffalo School Board member and state of Maryland resident Vivian Evans attended her first board meeting in seven weeks on Nov. 10, narrowly avoiding absenteeism rules that could see her removed. Maybe it’s time to consider some alternatives to our pricey “local” public servants.

Avoiding Infamy

Thanks to the their 14-12 victory on Nov. 14 over the equally hapless Detroit Lions, the Buffalo Bills finally got off the schnide and won their first game of the season—thus sparing themselves of the potential indignity of being only the second team in history to endure a winless season.

Gettin' Crunk

Days after Wegmans and Tops announced that they would no longer sell the controversial beverage, on Nov. 12 the State Liquor Authority halted import of Four Loko, a $2 dollar “party in a can” packing the punch of three cups of coffee and two beers all in one. Oh well, at least there’s still crack.

Virulent Protests

Council members in the Town of Cheektowaga met on Nov. 15 and discussed growing complaints of its large itinerant population of annoying pests. And no, we’re not talking about the drunk high school girls down on the Chip Strip, but actually something equally revolting: rats.

Enhanced Interrogation

Just in time for the release of George W. Bush’s memoir, Muzzammil Hassan, on trial for allegedly beheaded his wife, accused Erie County Sheriff’s deputies in court on Nov. 18 of waterboarding him in their custody. True or not, I thought everyone knew in the post-Patriot Act era that didn’t qualify as abuse?

Dollars stolen by Janette Schueler of Cheektowaga from the Mary Queen of Angels School. Schueler plead guilty on Nov. 16 to charges of third-degree grand larceny for pinching the money during her tenure as Cafeteria Manager at the small Catholic school from 2003 to 2009. Talk about bullies, that’s a whole lot of lunch money.