Who’s got a good hangover cure? What with the holidays and all…
The Practical Cogitator says: Here’s what I suggest. When you finally get home from a long night out of fun-filled parties and post-party clubbing, have one more! Crack a beer or mix a drink. That late night or morning nightcap (as the case may be where clubs close at 4am!)—yep, one more, that’ll do it. If you can just keep yourself up until the sun starts to rise, you’ll have no hangover at all. If you’re home alone, it’s a great time to fold that laundry, sweep your floor, and straighten your home up. If you’re arriving with a whole group, grab a deck of cards and start dealing and pouring. Keep champagne and orange juice on hand, because once the sun actually rises, it will be high time for a mimosa! Bloody Marys also work nicely at this time of day. You will see there will be no hangover at all! Later, you will be entitled to a much-needed nap around 2pm. See, hangover free!
Now, if you arrive home late and just crash out, then in the morning drink one large Alka-Seltzer followed by a huge glass of water. The first suggestion is much more fun.
The Gay Perspective: Vomit. That’s the best cure for a hangover.
Dining Out says: Three glasses of water, two Advil, and a bagel.
The Straight Skinny: I seldom drink enough to occasion a hangover—or, conversely, I drink so much that I don’t know what a hangover is anymore—but back when I did suffer them, I found the best cure to be a polished presentation. I’d take a long shower and shave, comb my hair, put on my Sunday best. The worse the hangover, the better the clothes. (I never had a bender that required a tuxedo, but some have demanded a suit and tie.) Everything else just takes time. All the certified gargles and potions and painkillers and greasy breakfasts are fine; if you think they work, then they’ll make you feel better. But in my experience, the number one priority is to make sure you feel clean and look good while you recover. The rest will follow.
The Shutterbug says: Ginger ale. A lot of ginger ale. Keep a case of it on hand for hangover emergencies. In fact, get an IV drip of ginger ale. Although on second thought, you might not want to put an IV in your own arm while hungover…I guess it depends how desperate you are.
The Sales Guy says: On the preventive side of this question, the day/night of your drinking event, you should take aspirin or Advil before bed. This pretty much nullifies enough of the pain so you can at least function the next day. Since switching to Captain and diet, I haven’t had a hangover in three years. This is a fact, people, and I have pain-free weekends because of it.
However, if you find yourself drinking on an empty stomach, you make the regrettable decision to choose wine as your drink of choice, or you mix cocktails like a 17-year-old at his first party—then in order to kill the pain the following day you may have to take the advice of my favorite bartender and “pull the trigger” to empty your stomach as disgusting as we all know that can be.
Dr. Sigmund Fraud says: Did you know that most hangovers have nothing to do with alcoholic intake, but are instead the result of pent-up sexual energy? I have been doing a lot of research in this area in recent years with a few of the more open-minded students from our local nursing schools. My method is essentially an expansion of the Orgone accumulator experiments conducted by Willhelm Reich. I constructed the coffin-sized box out of galvanized sheet metal, lined with layers of Chinese paper, bearskin, silk, and felt. Two hours in the accumulator with me—after a night of drinking—and the nude subjects emerge rejuvenated, turning my apartment inside out in search of a cigarette.
A morning-after treatment I find nearly as effective is eight aspirin crushed and dissolved in a 32oz. Big Gulp full of Coca-Cola, with lots of ice.
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