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Ask Anyone

my boyfriend + 1

I’m gay, late 20s, and I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost three years. He’s always talked about a threesome, with either a girl or another guy, and way back when we started I was kind of into the idea too. We both joked about it, would pick out prospectives at bars, etc., but never did anything about it. It seemed fun and sexy, and back then we were always pushing each other, in a good way.

Now we’re starting to settle in as a couple, but he’s still talking about it, lately more than ever before. I think he’s really serious about it, but what used to seem exciting to me now seems a little threatening. I don’t want to risk our relationship—either by doing it or not doing it. So what do I do?

Come and Knock on My Door

The Gay Perspective: Talk to your boyfriend about your concerns. Would you be as worried if this event took place out of town or with a hired porn star? If this is to happen at all, that might be the way to go. You don’t want the enticing third party bumping into you all over town, especially if you are unsure of this. (And I don’t need to remind you to use condoms, I’m sure.) All relationships change over time; this one might be on its way out—or you might be able to navigate this. Your boyfriend might even forget about this eventually. (Or, he might eventually play behind your back, or ask about an open relationship.) If the relationship is about to expire, it will not be because you did or did not engage in a threesome. Be true to yourself and good luck!

Ruthless says: What do you do? Ask Dan Savage. Duh. Do we seem like a bunch of sexperts to you?

to rent: a room with a (tragic) view

I’m the owner of an apartment building, and recently one of my tenants went off the deep end. Drunk and armed with a gun, he threatened suicide and threatened his ex-wife. The police came and a standoff ensued. It ended in my tenant being shot and killed.

This is all tragic, and tragedy has consequences for everyone even peripherally connected. My apartment building is riddled with bullet holes. A guy was killed in one of my apartments. I can’t afford not to have it rented. After I’ve cleaned up and repaired the building, am I obligated to tell prospective tenants what transpired there?

—Truth in Advertising?

The Gay Perspective: No.

The Practical Cogitator says: Heavens, no. I live in a 150-year-old house; if I had to listen to the tales of the previous seven generations who lived there, I’d be bored to tears. It’s my new house! And whoever rents your apartment should be permitted to make a new start there.

Ruthless says: Better you tell them than someone else does.

I remember once going to look at an apartment in a “good” neighborhood: corner of Auburn and Breckenridge, mainly owner-occupied homes, and a few houses that had been converted into apartments by a real estate management and development company (which shall remain nameless). The agent had just finished showing me the place and we were about to seal the deal when we walked out into the street. And into a throng of angry neighbors. Apparently, the night before, a tenant who was being evicted had assembled a merry band of boyfriends and brothers to ransack the place, tossing sinks, a toilet, a stove, and a refrigerator (full of food, according to one especially upset woman) into the street below.

“You have to screen your tenants better!” one distraught neighbor yelled, casting a suspicious eye in my direction.

“Last month we had a stabbing in one of your units!” another neighbor cried.

“And before that, a suicide!” yet another chimed in.

Honestly, I felt bad for the guy. But nevertheless, I hightailed it out of there before the flogging began.

Ask Anyone is local advice for locals with problems. Please send your questions for our panel of experts to

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