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NEWS OF THE WEIRD

THE BEDROOM OF TOMORROW

—The company British Condoms is now accepting pre-orders for the iCon Smart Condom, with an app that can track, among other data, a man’s “thrust velocity,” calories expended “per session,” and skin temperature, as well as do tests for chlamydia and syphilis. Projected price is about $75, but the tech news site CNet reported in March that no money will be collected until the product is ready to ship. [CNet News, 3-2-2017]

— In March, vibrator customers were awarded up to $10,000 each in their class-action “invasion of privacy” lawsuit against the company Standard Innovation, whose We-Vibe model’s smartphone app collected intimate data (vibrator temperature and motor intensity) that could be associated with particular customers — and which were easily hackable, and controllable, by anyone nearby with a Bluetooth connection. The Illinois federal court limited the award to $199 for anyone who bought the vibrator but did not activate the app. [The Guardian (London), 3-14-2017]

the aristocrats!

Among the facts revealed in the ongoing criminal proceedings against U.S. Navy officials and defense contractor Leonard (“Fat Leonard”) Francis, who is charged with arranging kickbacks: In 2007, Francis staged a party for the officials at the Shangri-La Hotel in the Philippines during which (according to an indictment unsealed in March) “historical memorabilia related to General Douglas MacArthur were used by the participants in sexual acts.” [Washington Post, 3-14-2017]

THE PASSING PARADE

(1) A 23-year-old Albuquerque woman performed cartwheels instead of a standard field sobriety test at a DUI stop in February, but she did poorly and was charged anyway. On the other hand, student Blayk Puckett, stopped by University of Central Arkansas police, helped shield himself from a DUI by juggling for the officer. (2) Oreos fans sampling the limited-edition Peeps Oreos in February expressed alarm that not only their tongues and saliva turned pink, but also their stools (and leaving a pink ring in the bowl). A gastroenterologist told Live Science it was nothing to worry about. [Albuquerque Journal, 2-21-2017] [KTHV-TV (Little Rock), 3-7- 2017] [Live Science, 3-6-2017]

LATEST RELIGIOUS MESSAGES

—- Babies born on the Indonesian island of Bali are still today treated regally under an obscure Hindu tradition, according to a February New York Times report, and must not be allowed to touch the earth for 105 days (in some areas, 210). (Carrying the infant in a bucket and setting that on the ground is apparently acceptable.) Each birth is actually a re-birth, they say, with ancestors returning as their own descendants. (Accidentally touching the ground does not condemn the baby, but may leave questions about negative influences.) [New York Times, 2-19-2017]

— Catholic priest Juan Carlos Martinez, 40, apologized shortly after realizing, as he said, he had gone “too far” in celebrating March’s Carnival in a town in the Galicia area of Spain — that he acted inappropriately in dressing as Playboy magazine founder Hugh Hefner, reclining on a red satin sheet on a parade float carrying men dressed as classic Playboy “Bunnies.” Despite apparent public support for Father Martinez, his Archbishop asked him to attend a “spiritual retreat” to reflect on his behavior. [The Local (Barcelona), 3-10-2017]

A man uses an automatic toilet paper dispenser that uses facial recognition technology at a public toilet at the Temple of Heaven in Beijing on March 21, 2017.
A years-long crime spree by Chinese toilet paper thieves may have reached the end of its roll after park officials in southern Beijing installed facial recognition technology to flush out bathroom bandits. / AFP PHOTO / WANG ZhaoWANG ZHAO/AFP/Getty Images

TP GOES HIGH TECH

China’s public-park restrooms have for years suffered toilet-paper theft by local residents who raid dispensers for their own homes (a cultural habit, wrote Hong Kong’s South China Morning Post, expressing taxpayer feelings of “owning” public facilities), but the government recently fought back with technology. At Beijing’s popular Temple of Heaven park, dispensers now have facial-recognition scanners beside the six toilets, with pre-cut paper (about 24 inches long) issued only to users who pose for a picture. (Just one slug of paper can be dispensed to the same face in a 9-minute period, catastrophic for the diarrhea-stricken and requiring calling an attendant to override the machine.) [South China Morning Post, 3-2-2017; BBC News, 3-20-2017]