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How to write NXIVM sex-slaver Raniere; help him get through boring days in prison

By Frank Parlato

Keith Raniere no longer gets to go for long midnight walks with ardent members of his sex-slave cult. Nor does he get to sleep all day long while pretending that he only needs two hours of sleep per day; order vegetarian pizza with hot sauce – and sneak in hamburgers when no one else is around; design health-threatening dietary and workout regimens for women who want to be sexually involved with him; oversee brutal legal attacks on those he believes to be his enemies; waste millions of dollars on his latest gambling gambit; or think up new and more bizarre sociopathic plans for getting those around him to cater to his every need and whim.

Nope… Just like every other pretrial prisoner at Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn, NY, Raniere has pretty boring days.

Up at 6:00 AM for breakfast – as soon as his cell is unlocked;

Stand in line for the 11:00 AM lunch – and then go back to his cell to eat it (No one wants him sitting at their meal-table because of the nature of the charges against him);

Watch others play chess and other board games from noon until the 4:00 PM “count” (No one will invite him to join in because if they did, they too would be shunned);

Stand in line for the 4:30 PM dinner – and then go back to his cell to eat it (see above);

Lay around in his cell until the 9:00 PM “Count”; and

Be locked in at 9:15 PM for the night.

And tomorrow is just like today. As is the next day, and the next day, and the next day…

So, just to break up the boredom while he awaits trial and a likely sentence of at least 30-years, I am offering all of Frank Report’s readers the chance to communicate directly with “The Vanguard” and help him get through his mind-numbing days. And, unlike his over-priced training courses, that were more expensive per hour than the best colleges and universities in the country, this amazing opportunity will just require you to sit down and write a letter, put it in an envelope, buy a postage stamp, and drop it in a mailbox.

Here is how you address your letters to “The Vanguard”:
Keith Alan Raniere A/K/A “The Vanguard”
Register Number 57005-177
MDC Brooklyn
Metropolitan Detention Center
P.O. Box 329002
Brooklyn NY, 11232

Be sure to put a name and return address on the envelope – and feel free to be creative in doing so. Just don’t put anything other than your letter in the envelope because that may cause everything to be confiscated.

And, of course, tell him I said “Hi”.

Keith Raniere no longer invites the pretty young ladies to come watch him play volleyball. A nice letter might be one where you tell him how much you enjoyed his magnificent play.


PS: Readers please feel free to share with Artovice your letters to Vanguard; we will happily publish them. In keeping with the financial model and tradition of Vanguard, the best letter will win a $3 cash prize. There will be a $5 fee for submitting all letters. 

About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • Hey Keith! Do you remember me? Tracy McCarren….. also known in those days as “Twiggy”……
    Green Meadow School ring a bell? Just wondering….

  • Sadly, many will think you’re being serious and this idiot will receive letters from impressionable (read “stupid”) people.

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