By Evonne Brossard
Your intrepid reporter here today, this is Evonne Brossard wishing you a fantastic Holiday season. Are you a budding cult member? Need a remote Caribbean island to lay down your plans? Want to feel warm trade winds blowing through your hair? And as Kristin Kook says with, “More blowing going on tonight, tee hee.”
Well, I have the place for you. Richard Branson has just announced that his Cult Hideaway is open and ready for business! Check out the renovations below:
Overhead view of Cult Paradise, aka ‘Naked Island’…ummm…I mean Necker Island. Plenty of space to conduct initiations, vagina branding, sleep deprivation, and medical experiments. Oh my!
Inside view of the newly renovated common areas. Perfect to observe and conduct human fright experiments.
Want to wine and dine airhead heiresses? You can do that here also! Impress clueless imbeciles with way too much money to spend and no common sense. Our facility encourages this!
Rates start at $50,000 per night. Can host up to 40 people.
While the glory days of Necker Island –
But that was the past and with Salzman indicted, new leadership is needed.
As for Necker Island, for more info, please call 1-800-GET-AWAY. If that number is busy, try 1-800-CRM-PAYS. See you soon!