By Noisy Mouse
“Boohoo Boohoo. My little cup is cold. Just like my shriveled sausage. Please, alms for the poor kind Sir”
Cry me a river. I’m sure we could HEAT UP VANGUARD with some cauterizing irons. In fact, here are my suggestions to keep VanGuard warm during a minor cold spell.
Without Further Ado…the TOP 10 THINGS Keith Raniere can do to keep warm in Prison
1) Brand his Johnson. Although it maybe hard (not the Johnson) because it is so small and shriveled. Just like Keith’s Heart
2) Do some running back in forth in his cell. Just like he ordered his women to do.
3) Walk around in his cell. He is a world champion walker, right? Known to walk 18+ miles per day.
4) Practice his Judo skills with his fellow inmates. Judon’t know if Keith shit his pants or pissed himself after he was headbutted.
5) Take away his gray. Keep practicing his hair color skills. He’s going to be doing a lot of that in prison.
6) Have a contest – See which inmate can hit Vanguard the hardest. Just like he told the real Karate guy to beat up women at VD Week. We could tell the inmates to hit Keith. Winner gets a prize
7) Practice dropping the soap repeatedly. Well…El Cheapo doesn’t bathe, so that may not work.
8) Inmate beauty contest. Dress Keith up and have him passed around as a sex toy. His hair is already blue anyway. Does the carpet match the drapes? Shit, I think I just threw up in my mouth.
9) Practice setting off radar detectors. He does have this mental ability to set off electronics because of the energy emitted from his high IQ brain, am I right?
10) Consider how stupid it was of Nicky Clyne to post InstaHo pictures of Keith’s hidden location in Old Mexico. How dumb was that? I would be pissed off, hot under the collar, and very angry for that level of criminal incompetence.
VIVA EXECUTIVE SUCCESS!!!