Mathematician computes devotion Sultan has for Kristin Kreuk

Editor’s Note: A commenter using the moniker “Behold” has used his mathematical skills to determine the quantity, if not the quality, of Kristin Kreuk aficionado Sultan of Six’s devotion to the virtue signalling taxpayer funded actress. 

By Behold

Was waiting for the kettle to boil and decided to read the Frank Report and the comments.

Surprise, surprise, resident stalker “SultanOfSix”, aka “Scarrom” “Karl Basset” “Jesse” etc is still ejaculating his low testosterone semen all over the comments regarding his dream spank, Kristin “Crook/Kook” Kreuk.

That got me thinking about two of the greatest mysteries of our times, that has eluded academics, scholars and laymen all over the internet:

1) How many spanks has Spanky spanked out to Kristin Kreuk.

2) How much semen, in milliliters has he ejaculated over Kristin Kreuk.


Lets say he started to stalk and spank it to Kristin Kreuk since 2005. That seems like a reasonable time frame.

Lets assume he has spanked it TWICE WEEKLY at a minimum, every week, for FOURTEEN YEARS (God Almighty…)

That would be:

– 96 spanks a year

– 1344 spanks over the course of fourteen years.


According to a quick google search:

“When a man reaches orgasm, he ejaculates fluid called semen. On average, men expel between 1.25 and 5.00 ml (1/4 of a teaspoon to 1 teaspoon) of semen each time they ejaculate. But this amount varies from man to man.”


Lets say Spanky ejaculates the minimal amount of 1.25ml or a quarter teaspoon of low testosterone jizz, every spank.

That would be:

– 1.25ml a spank

– 2.5ml a week

– 10ml a month

– 120ml a year

– 1680ml over FOURTEEN YEARS.


That is INCREDIBLE. What a sensational feat of unrivaled, unrequited infatuation to a woman who doesn’t even know he exists.


Lets put this in perspective:

1680ml is the equivalent of:

– 1.68 LITRES of low testosterone goo

– 7.100945 CUPS of goo

– 94.60434 IMPERIAL TABLESPOONS of goo.

– 3.70 POUNDS of goo.


A round of applause please, for one of the most prolific spankers of the modern internet age:

About the author

Frank Parlato


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  • You’re embarrassing yourself.

    You know what truly rhymes with Spank?


    Not so much Sultan though.

    For example, this “article” – if it can be loosely called such – ironically is a complete mental masturbation of irrelevance.

  • Thanks. I threw up in my mouth. But probably only a half cup of puke – not to rival, nor outdo the Sultan’s 7 + cups of jizz.

  • “TWICE WEEKLY at a minimum– That would be– 96 spanks a year”

    52 weeks in a year time 2 equals = 96?????

    I suspect Behold, like all the other many posters who love to imagine Sultan jerking off to Kristin, that they actually are projecting their own desires toward her…or maybe they secretly fantasize watching Sultan spank. Whambulance!!!

    • He is so fucking dumb he can ‘t even do realistic math correctly. He can’t read nor write nor do math.

      And he actually spent time proving his obsession with me – someone who he thinks is worthless – by attempting to make a lame joke about the amount of semen I supposedly emit per year wanking to Kristin.

      This is drunken frat boy “humor”.

      I don’t know how someone can be so oblivious to proving himself a total embarrassment to human dignity. I don’t even have to say or do anything. He embarr-ASS-es himself.

      • “I don’t even have to say or do anything.”

        Good. Then shut the fuck up, wash your jizzed up washcloth which is probably like a piece of cardboard right now and fuck off.

      • Sultan, you know , the writer of this article, Beyond could be a she. The author seems very obsessed with you Sultan,” she” seems to be jealous of Kristin since she gets so much attention. Seems to be obsessed with sex and reproductive material. Loves to talk about the details and texture. Like Beyond has been constantly running these thoughts over and over.
        I mean, just observing the pattern of the writer of the article, the person seems too wordy to be a guy on average.
        It’s almost as if the poster is trying to sound like a male poster. Lol just a possible theory.

        • LOL Sorry, meant Behold maybe a girl. She seems to really like to talk about Sultan a lot. Most guys would write about women, like Kristin.

        • It’s hard to say, but there are just a limited set of motivations I can come up.

          Let’s eliminate the first one – they are just trolls and get a joy out of disturbing the internet peace so to speak – because trolls don’t usually keep coming back for this long. They are kind of hit and run and then move on. For this person or people, that there focus is on Kristin and/or me, there is obviously a personal element rooted in some caustic emotion that has caused their lengthy existence on these forums.

          When it comes to bashing Kristin – and me by extension since I defend her – at the level the person(s) here and on the Frank Report do, it is most likely either jealous girl(s) or an angry guy(s). Since I’m not a girl, I cannot experientially assess why they would be jealous, but jealousy in a person is always rooted in thing(s) they lack compared to the object of their jealousy. Anger reflected by guys when it comes to women is primarily due to rejection, professionally or personally, but more likely the latter.

          Since I defend Kristin, they’ve merely taken their self-esteem bashing ways and projected them onto me, as if wanking off to the thought of a beautiful girls isn’t normal and something that 99% of heterosexual guys post puberty haven’t done.

          My best guess when attempting to assess motivations, is that these people are existing NXIVM members – male or female – or past guys who were explicitly rejected by Kristin or simply ignored by her and wanted to be more to her.

          What I can say almost for certain is they display marked symptoms of sociopathy.

          • LOL..for sure, Sociopath with a obsession with a constant theme. Reproductive material seems to be a constant thought. Like they live for it.

          • Spanky, the sad loser who has ejaculated at a minimum, 3.70 pounds of low testosterone semen, thinking about Kristin Kook, is desperately trying to make sense why people think he is a loser. The freak is shocked that people don’t like NXIVM members and stalkers.



      If you can’t take the heat, get out of the halal kitchen. 👳🏾‍♂️

      • So that is a good catch and an indicator by now. You guys must be desperate. Maybe she should wear a Kreuk-is-innocent shirt like Stone and she would be innocent.
        How about obsessing about real women?

        • Anonymous,

          Desperate? I am married.

          I just find both sides of the Kristin Kreuk debate hilarious. They are arguing about nothing. It never ends.

          • I am not married tbh, but seeing articles like this, I dont know. The accusers are far more obsessed with her than Sultan.
            I do not get why Frank believes this to be a newsworthy article.

        • Your sick spanking habits of Kristin Crook have been exposed (certainly barely reached the tip of the halal iceberg) and you are STILL worshipping Kreuk!? Get help Spanky. At a minimum, you have jizzed out 3.70 pounds of revolting jizz over Kristin Kook.

          3.70 POUNDS!!!

          • I am not Sultan. You do not have to share her with me. But is it not pathetic to accuse everyone who exposes your pea-brain to be him?

  • Hi all,

    If anyone wants a Kristin Kreuk autographed collectors mug with an actual photo of Kristin on the mug in a bathing suit half naked for $17 plus shipping &tax

    Just click on the link at the bottom.

    I use my Kristin Kreuk mug for my cup of joe in the morning or to hold my various bodily fluids.

    Sultan of Six now you can fill Kristin up every morning when you have your coffee!

    • He has filled up enough cups with his low-T load encoded with his useless DNA. At least seven cups. Christ help us, he may of spanked it three or more times a week. That would mean MORE than the estimation of 3.70 pounds of halal chutney sauce. Gross.

    • Are there really people who buy this? I believe that all these Mugs are slow sellers.
      I’m sure they’re no longer produced, that definitely a sellout.

  • Each ejaculation contains about 6 calories of semen.
    If ejacutated into MsKristinKreuk’s mouth twice a week and swallowed, she would add about 600 calories per year. With it taking about 3500 calories to add a pound of body weight, over 14 years MsKK would add only about 2.5 pounds on this organic diet.
    Even better, ejaculating on MsKK’s face (as the Society of Putzes are taught to do) would result in NO weight gain, and a smoother complexion.
    Viva Ejaculative Success!

  • Lol Sultan must be winning the debate…Kristin bashers have gone a to higher level of And that’s saying something!!

    SOS…..their heads are exploding as we speak….sad…

    This whole article has got to be a complete embarrassment to Art

  • Jeez, at least spell my name right.
    And as I have said before, I have never posted her under any other name.

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