Painting by MK10ART, the official artist for Vangone Day.
News NXIVM

The Votes Are In – And We Have Two Winners

By K. R. Claviger

After a long weekend of culling through all the nominations that we received – and carefully vetting out those that appeared to have some sort of Russian connection – we are happy to report that we now have an official name for March 26th.

That, of course, is the day that Keith Alan Raniere AKA The Vanguard was arrested by Mexican police at a luxurious $10,000/week villa near Puerto Vallarta in Mexico, where he was staying with several women.

For a nostalgic look at the video that was taken as Raniere was being placed in a Mexican police car back at the villa, take a look at this Frank Report post.

The Mexican police immediately transported Raniere to the Mexican/U.S. border and ordered him to walk into the United States – where, surprise, surprise, there just happened to be a couple of U.S. federal agents looking for him.

Talk about bad luck… I mean, what are the odds of those guys just happening to be there at the exact moment that Raniere crossed over the border?

*****

So, now, here we are just a mere 364 days later – and about to announce the name by which March 26th, we hope, will forever be known as long as there is a human being who has read about – or even heard about – The Vanguard.

Some of the entries that we received were a little too generic: e.g., Smelly Cross-eyed Midget Day, KAR Free Day, and Reality Day.

Others were a little too obscure: e.g., Vexit Day, VK Day, and Master Cleanse Day.

And some were just too hard to fit on a celebratory cake: e.g., Fuck Toy Emancipation Day.

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But two of the entries were deemed to be just right: KARma Day and Vangone Day.

And so the great debate began around the 12’x20’ cherry table in the conference room at Frank Report’s headquarters overlooking Niagara Falls (Note: We’re not exactly sure if those are the correct measurements on the table but we thought that 12’x20’ sounded pretty impressive).

In a debate that lasted for several hours – and that often sounded like a take-off on the old “Tastes Great”/”Less Filling” Miller Light commercials – the Frank Report staff argued back and forth about which of the suggestions was the more worthy.

Finally, just as the morning sun began to rise – and we realized we were out of margarita mix – Frank came up with a brilliant solution (He may not be the world’s smartest man but he does have his moments).

“Why not use both?”, he asked cryptically.

When it became obvious to him that no one understood what the hell he was suggesting, he went on to explain in more detail:

“March 26th shall, henceforth, be known as KARma Day”, he announced.

“And the day on which The Vanguard is convicted – or he pleads guilty – shall, henceforth, be known as Vangone Day”, he concluded.

*****

Silence poured over the room…

In large part, that was because almost all 20 members of the Frank Report staff were sound asleep.

But even the two members who were awake sat there with just drool – and no words – coming out of their mouths.

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And so it has been recorded in the official annals of the Frank Report:

• Today, March 25th – and every March 25th in the future – shall be known as KARma Eve.

• Tomorrow, March 26th – and every March 26th in the future – shall be known as KARma Day.

• The day before Raniere gets convicted – or pleads guilty – will forever be known as Vangone Eve.

• And the day that Raniere actually gets convicted – or actually pleads guilty – will forever be known as Vangone Day.

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We have already submitted our copyright applications – and our patent applications – for all four names (Because we told him these names were meant as tributes to Vanguard, Arlen Olsen only charged us $299,987.50 to fill out all the forms – which was $12.50 less than he would normally charge for such work).

And we’re already in negotiations with the Silver Bay YMCA to see if we can hold a 10-day long Vangone Week celebration to replace the former Vanguard Weekend festivities (More information on this event in a future post).

Finally, it looks like Hallmark is going to begin producing special cards to celebrate KARma Eve, KARma Day, Vangone Eve, and Vangone Day later this year. Those who donate at least $10,000 to the Frank Report will get a box of twenty cards (We’ll even waive the normal shipping  & handling cost).

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As soon as we know where The Vanguard will be incarcerated for the next 15-20 years or longer, we will apply for parade permits for KARma Day and Vangone Day in that location.

So, don’t make any travel plans for 2020 until you hear more from us about the parades

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Happy KARma Day to all of you…

Viva Executive Success!

About the author

Artvoice

News and art, national and local. Began as alternative weekly in 1990 in Buffalo, NY. Publishing content online since 1996.

19 Comments

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  • Frank, you let me down and misdirected me with the nativity reference. Good Monday would have been a great conversation starter, especially during the average 6 out of 7 days March 26th does not fall on a Monday. I demand a recount, and this time use straight tequila, it is much more prone to thinking creatively than margarita mix. Come on, at least an honorable mention, Claviger didn’t even mention my submittal in his story. I may come as unglued as Heidi did in her recent story! LOL

    Regardless, Happy Good Monday Eve to you and yours on this fine Monday.

  • As some of you know, as a result of Tony Ortega’s work, an annual gathering has emerged for folks interested in scientology stuff called HowdyCon (this year in LA). Frank, if you are tongue-in-cheek about it, I think you’re underestimating a VanGone gathering’s appeal. Let’ s see what the YMCA calendar looks like?

    • I believe that is mostly, though not entirely, for never-in critics – but it’s a model I had in mind. They do it as a weekend, if I remember what I’ve seen, including tours and photo opportunities at cult-related sites (does the Colonie building still have the NXIVM sign up?).

      Ex-scientologists have a couple, I believe sometimes even larger, informal events, that aren’t publicized.

  • Best Post Ever!

    Can we get T-Shirt?
    Please, Please Please?

    Halloween decorations KAR-O-Lantern warns parents to keep their children from coming to your house asking for candy

    Bug Spay, V-be-gone gets rid of any smelly pest in your life.

  • Holy shit!

    I just found an older video of Claviger. This was him right out of law school.

    No wonder so many of his clients are in the slammer.

  • On these momentous occasions, I think it is only fair that prisoners are offered meals containing a large amount of garlic. 🤔

  • I have to admit, I think that Vangone has a real ring to it, and KARma day may be most fitting with regards to Raniere’s arrest.

    I’m glad people like the idea for a late August event at Silver Bay, and Vangone Week sounds about right. A serious event would probably need to be formally “branded” (!) differently, though, possibly even with no overt reference at all to Raniere or NXIVM – Silver Bay may be touchy about that now, and a broader conference about such groups would need a more general name, though clever covert references would be amusing.

    I still think that, at a minimum, there should be a get-together and planning meeting kicking off in the Lounge at Silver Bay in the 3rd week of August this year, maybe say Saturday the 24th. And due consideration “should be given to somehow adopting the term “parasite,” in the same way that Scientology critics have “suppressives” or “SPs” (for “suppressive persons” – both based on a derogatory term in Scientology, that Raniere also borrowed).

    Ex-members may eventually want their own gathering to socialize and decompress.

  • I’m laughing so much I can’t catch my breath! Thank you Claviger and Frank for the humor. I would be first on line to celebrate Vangone Day at Silver Bay! We can all dance a jig!

  • We can all come dressed in our Nxium attire T-shirt’s Sweat shirts hats….

    Please please Frank organize a Silver Bay Vangone Day!

  • One reason “KARma” works so well to honor that glorious, fateful day – March 26, 2018 – of KAR’s Monterey, MX arrest in the Anals of Mexican/American history —is bc it is reported when KAR had to drop trough and bend over para Los Federales he cried out, “MAAAAA!” Ergo: KARmaaaa!

    Which works best for a proper salutation? Have a “Joyous” or have a “Joyful” KARmaaaaa!
    O
    Joyisimo KARma Eve, Carnel!

    …Can we have pork tonight? Or is Pizza with Hot Sauce more apropos?

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