This is Part 9 of the Keith and Cami texts.
Keith Alan Raniere was born August 26, 1960. Cami was born March 1, 1990. There is 30 years age difference between them. They started having sex when Cami was no more than 15. Keith was 45. It is now late 2015. Keith is 55. Cami is 25.
He had groomed her on the theory that she was to be his successor in his world mission because she was a virgin when he deflowered her at age 15. He had dozens of other women but she was to be only with him.
He had told her they were going to have children together and she was to be his number one woman. He was the leader of Nxivm, the only community she knew –and she thought he was a true guru, the most noble and ethical man in the world. She was proud to be considered his wife and the woman that was selected to have his avatar baby, who would preserve his special DNA to help heal humanity through the ages.
Her spirit was willing but, alas, the flesh is weak. Raniere had some 20 women to have sex with at all times – and, at times Cami inconsiderately gained 5 or 10 pounds more than she should. So, sometimes Keith did not see her for months at a time to cure her of her prideful nature in gaining the weight.
She lived alone, in virtual hiding, at a condo he rented for her. And one day, perhaps out of loneliness, she had an affair with Robbie, who was in his early 20s. Robbie is the son of one of the top Nxivm leaders.
This ruined everything, for she was no longer pure. Robbie’s semen had touched her, which effected the purity and destroyed the perfection of her carrying Keith’s exquisite DNA. All was lost. Cami was at times suicidal. She developed bulimia, probably out of the enormous pressure put on her to lose weight.
The generous Raniere, always considerate, always forgiving, found a way out for her.
She could be redeemed for her transgression of being with Robbie, by giving up all plans on having a family with him, and become his slave, plus find him other slaves for him to have sex with, and to give up her idea of being number one to him. She must find a virgin to replace her.
Cami is torn. She is miserable, lonely, living a deceitful life – for none of her family knows she is having a relationship with this much older leader of their community. Everything she wanted in life – a man to love, a family to cherish, is gone. She feels guilty all the time because Keith says he is dying, languishing over what she had done with Robbie which will result in the extermination of his great gift to humanity through his perfect semen.
Unless she finds a virgin like she once was.
But the problems are many. Poor Vanguard. He admits he is getting too old to start with a new 15-year-old virgin [as Cami was to him 10 years before.]
All seems lost.
But, Keith, the always sanguine leader of Nxivm, wants Cami to try anyway to find him a virgin so that his greatness, his lineage, his DNA, will not die out.
Welcome to the world of Vanguard.
November 1, 4:13 p.m.
KEITH: I don’t know if I can give any other potential successor the quantity or quality of life force [semen?] I gave to you to build you. I feel like it is climbing Mount Everest again. Even if I started now [with a virgin], it’s years and years [before she will become his successor], even if I were strong and motivated. Now, it is from pain, not positivism.
CAMI: What can I do? Can I reclaim my position [as his number one woman]? I’ll do anything.
KEITH: I don’t know. Keep pushing and more fully understand what was lost [when she had sex with Robbie].
CAMI: I will, honey.
KEITH: I was amazed how your body would pull the energy out of me [when they had sex before she committed the atrocity of sleeping with Robbie]. It would seem like it searched every corner out of my body and pulled every last bit. Each encounter was so amazing.
CAMI: Is it not anymore? Is that what you want the new [virgin] successor to do? How are you feeling?
KEITH: No texts. I just heard your father is now concerned about where you live. [Cami lived in hiding down the street from Keith] We need to be very careful, Fluffy [her brother] or others might try to follow you.
KEITH: Too much to text what was lost, how perfect it was in so many ways, what it means to not find a successor and almost just as bad to find one.
CAMI: Oh, then we are paining over the same thing. I thought you said there was a way I could still be it. Did you change your mind?
KEITH: There has to be a pure element [a virgin]. I have to take her and build her for that… I don’t think I have the capacity. I gave it completely and fully to you.
CAMI: I wish the movies and stories were right. It is a lie that love conquers all. It doesn’t. It doesn’t matter how much we love each other. You will still replace me. I could have left. I hope the fact that I chose you and will rebuild our love with every breath would mean something, would probably make us stronger.
KEITH: No. You replaced me no matter how much I loved. [She had sex with Robbie]
CAMI: I don’t feel strong today. I feel very insecure. I feel like I have nothing to offer. I feel worthless. We never had much content to share except me healing you [sex] and being pure. So now I have no loyalty or purity to offer, so I don’t think you would want to be with me. I don’t know what I have to offer.
KEITH: After all I’ve done, you realize that’s insulting.
CAMI: I am sorry. I am just expressing. I don’t mean to insult you. I’m not talking about reality. I’m talking about how I feel. It has more do with what I have done than with you.
November 2, 5:38 p.m.
CAMI: Still looking for [virgin] successors out there, thought more of [fuck toy] slaves. I will plan a trip to New York City before Thanksgiving and visit all my candidates. What do you think? Can I text Janie?
KEITH: Why are the candidates in New York City?
CAMI: … That’s where they live right now.
CAMI: Yes. All my current candidates, yes.
KEITH: Any reason why or just statistics?
CAMI: Just statistics. I’m open to any location, but this is what I found for now.
KEITH: Be careful it’s not a trap. If you have only texted, you don’t know who’s on the other end…
CAMI: I’m talking about Narina, Marianna, Elizabeth, they are all lesbians.
KEITH: Okay. I thought you had found possible online candidates also.
CAMI: I’m still looking. I am finding ways.
November 3, 3:59 p.m.
CAMI: … [Admitting she is giving up every chance of happiness to be with Keith] I wish you could recognize the pain that I feel now …. The fact that I want to be with you, even though I know I’ll never get the family I’ve always wanted, I would have liked for you to see that and know that you are more important to me, that I choose you over everything I’ve always thought would make me happy. I would hope you can see that it means something that I chose a life of despair for you. … I wish you’d recognized that I could have walked away, but I chose to stay. I walked away many, many times during the year. I finally chose to stay, chose you. I wish you could see that.
KEITH: I understand. Do you understand my doubt if R [Robbie, who she had sex with] or Jim [Del Negro, with whom she had some kind of sexual contact] or someone else presents an opportunity [to have sex] I’m not sure of the outcome?
CAMI: No. I don’t think you know the pain I feel.
KEITH: You tried to commit suicide, still hadn’t chose me, but you would’ve had to go to a psych ward in Mexico. So it was a choice between staying [on earth] or that [suicide], not me.
CAMI: Not true. I really considered that option [suicide]. I was not against it. What I didn’t want was never speaking to you again.
KEITH: Please don’t take this wrong. It’s not negative just expressing the pain I feel each time I want to believe the things you say. I won’t be able to fully for a long time.
CAMI: You do know why I tried to kill myself, right?
CAMI: You said you are dead to me.
KEITH: Yes, but even after that whole thing, you didn’t choose me.
CAMI: I’m not going to get through. Okay.
November 8, 5:17 p.m.
KEITH: That night was the biggest shift of consciousness, that’s why you were in a trance-like state. That’s the thing that is hardest to get back.
CAMI: How could I get it back?
KEITH: I don’t know if it’s possible now, but it needs another pure vessel [a virgin] that I prepare and that doesn’t fail [by having sex with another man]. I don’t know if I have it in me to repair another. With that pure vessel, we might be if able to have it.
CAMI: Okay. I’m looking, love.
KEITH: I’m running out of time and the potential ones are so young, it would take a rare one indeed to transcend social norms and relate with someone so much older that way permanently. Besides I’m a donkey [a man with a large penis], that really gets in the way.
Keith explains that Cami’s bulimia hurts him more than it hurts her. He needs her to lose weight and needs to have sex with her or his life force might wane. But her vomiting her food turns him off.
KEITH: It will hurt me physically and set me back if I am intimate with you in the next two to three days because of B [bulimia]. My condition is very tenuous [he might not live]. It will also hurt me physically and set me back to not be intimate with you in the next two to three days. [He needs to have sex or he will suffer but her bulimia is a problem.] You would have had the capacity to help me. I don’t know which pain I should take or can bear.
[This Christlike man is trying to decide which pain is worse – having sex with her despite her bulimia, or not having sex with her because of her bulimia. Either way, this is a slow crucifixion for Vanguard.]
CAMI: This is new information for me. You know that I am bulimic, right? This is every day and has been for years, but now today, you have to make this choice. Something doesn’t make sense here.
KEITH: I feel you haven’t been listening to me then.
CAMI: Oh, shit. I’m sorry. I might be too caught up in my panic. Okay, let me try again.
KEITH: When was the last time you B [bulimia – or vomited food] before last night?
CAMI: Yesterday evening.
KEITH: I told you B is bad for me and us, but the weight [her being too heavy] is worse [than having bulimia]. I also thought you got that. If you stop the B, without my having to ask, it was much better because of some R things [sex with Robbie]. The other day [I] was going to ask you to stop [vomiting], but because it was better I didn’t. You stopped me and said, in effect, you had it covered. I have been in need the past few weeks [to have sex with her]. I’m very critical now. [he might die] You have ignored all of this it seems and continue to be.[vomiting her food.]
CAMI: Yes, I have been trying and thought I could do it alone, but I am struggling. I’m very sorry, honey.
November 13, 12:23 p.m.
CAMI: I don’t understand how the slaves [for him to fuck] play into it.
KEITH: Yes. …. You create value with new people. That earns my time. [If she gets him enough fuck toy slaves, he will spend more time with her.]
November 18, 1:47 p.m.
KEITH: Maybe Rosa Laura [Junco] can assist. How many candidates do you have? How are they with you?
CAMI: They are super-nice to me and look up to me in a way.
KEITH: Any of them pure enough [virgin for him to fuck] or just slave [for him to fuck]?
CAMI: Just slave.
KEITH: How do you feel about being friends with young future candidates [underage girls] and shepherding them over time?
November 19, 12:14 p.m.
CAMI: I’m trying to think of someone who would be a good support but no one around here is a good candidate. I think I’ll go online.
KEITH: Please don’t go online.
KEITH: How about Laureis? [Rosa Laura’s underage daughter. Keith wants her to be his successor.]
CAMI: I am secretly hurt that for years you said you would help me get through this and now you are abandoning me [for Rosa Laura’s daughter]. I feel unloved and misunderstood.
KEITH: Look at the pride in the message …. You are being prideful and self-centered. I almost died last night, felt worse life-force-wise than I have in my life. You are worried about you and somehow, which is what you did to betray me, [having sex with Robbie] making it [like] I rejected you. This really changes my hopes with you. I can’t trust you.
November 19, 3:24 p.m.
CAMI: I feel it. I know. You don’t want to hear it, but I am sorry. I think I keep trying ways to get you to help me because I feel like I can’t do it on my own. I feel hurt. But I think whenever I feel hurt, it is pride. If I drop it, I just start crying because I’m afraid I will fail again and you just will be upset again. I feel scared and alone and I feel blammie [sic] because you were supposed to hold my hand in this life. So I take this as my punishment for letting go of your hand once. [by having sex with Robbie.]
KEITH: I told you I would help. I offered something, you refused and want to do it your way.
CAMI: I feel punished. I know I am not but I feel punished. I feel scared. I feel lost. I feel alone. Very alone.
KEITH: It is childish to think in terms of punishment instead of cause and effect.
CAMI: And because you are not here, in this battle, I feel like you don’t want to be here. You don’t want me. You don’t love me. I am unloved.
KEITH: If you were humble and went over your past texts, it would help.
CAMI: I’m not trying to be logical or mature. I am baring my soul. I am telling you what’s underneath when I drop the pride.
KEITH: I am helping you. I’m showing you how to make it better.
CAMI: I tried rejecting the pride, but even that you wouldn’t be with me for. I felt angry because I felt so scared. I have a lot of very scary feelings — that I didn’t know still existed — come up. And I first pushed them down because I didn’t know how to handle them. So how am I supposed to handle them now? I feel abandoned and that is very scary. I don’t want other people. I want you. I wanted support, encouragement, love and acceptance and I’ve gotten only criticism. I feel very shake [sic]. Very unstable. I wanted to feel safe in this process and I don’t. I know it’s not your fault. I just want to feel safe. I think that is why I choose pride because I feel so unsafe. I keep reaching out for the one constant in my life, the love in my life, and I keep getting rejected. That is super scary. I don’t have bulimia as my coping mechanism anymore, so it’s even scarier. I don’t want to fail you. I am so scared.