Arvoice Dear Auntie Column
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Dear Auntie Answers Readers’ Questions on Love and Relationships

DEAR AUNTIE: I don’t even know where to begin. I was in an on again off again relationship for 11 years. I say this because I had suspicions and people would tell me things. Each time I would back off. He would always say that I had no proof. He would keep popping up. So did HIS ex. She would contact me saying that HE won’t leave HER alone. My reply would always be,”why do you keep answering him and agreeing to see him”? She told me that they would always be friends and speak because they have history. They have no children together. Something keeps them connected.

I let my guard down and allowed him to come back and life was good. We were closer than ever. We both lost a parent and were there for each other. We went on vacations, talked about marriage etc etc. My intuition kicked in. He began to act differently. He started being nasty to me. He now wanted to hang out with his friends. I had no issues with that. He started ignoring all my texts and calls. I had a bad feeling. I went looking for him. Went by his friends house and a few other places he goes and didn’t see his car.I drove by his ex-girlfriend’s house and still no car. Then I remembered that she once told me he parks behind her house. I go down the alley and sure enough his car is parked there. All of my evil sides came out. Why did he keep her around for 11 years? I feel my time is wasted because he always wanted her. The last 11 years was a lie. He told me over and over again that he would not give up on me and will never go away. He made it very clear where he wanted to be.

Our astrological signs are magnetized to each other. Yet I also believe in respect. Why won’t men admit when they are not happy?It is not fair to themselves or the other person to stay in a lie. On a side note I am in counseling and working on myself. I am learning my worth and fixing my self-esteem. Nobody will love me until I love me.

Jennifer G. from Niagara Falls, N.Y.


DEAR JENNIFER: My hope is that you found a healing community that you will remain in. As women we seem to always blame the “other” woman. Please understand you cannot have a proper circus without clowns. YOU entertained him each time in 11 years he came back. SHE entertained him each time in 11 years he came back. He got what he wanted times

2. Did you? It doesn’t sound like it. If a woman has to call me and tell me about MY significant other, she can have him. The proof you needed was the actual visual. Some men thrive off this notion. You got what you needed. He doesn’t want her either. Now that you are gone your position in the circus is open. He will find another woman for that. Perhaps he has some trauma issues and needs healing as well. This man had you out here like you were in the F.B.I. looking for him like he was a missing person. That alone is embarrassing.

If you have to do all that, give him back to the streets. We as women tend to be faithful and hold space for men that we KNOW belong to the streets. Community property. If you know that then use him the way he used you. Then it’s an even exchange. Nobody gets hurt. You stayed for 11 years because you believed words over actions. “Talking” about marriage is just talking. I met my ex husband and we married in 3 months. Lasted some years and divorced. I wouldn’t change a thing.

My hope is that you understand that when a man wants you he will literally come and get you. You speak on why men won’t admit they aren’t happy. He was happy. He had two women in his circus. Each of you only had one shared clown. This isn’t all on him either. You still sound spicy about her. Stop that. She is now in your position. The position of worry. You two women allowed a man 11 years to still not marry either one of you. I suspect there are others. Forget astrology.

When a man is a clown he is a clown. Going forward please don’t compete for a man. Don’t get into relationships that are not feeding you. As long as you are getting what you want while pleasing him it’s an even exchange. Do not deplete yourself. You are the plug, the energy source. Going forward never ignore your intuition. It would have saved you about 8 years. Go where the love is. Always.


DEAR AUNTIE: What do you think of the Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith “entanglement” with that younger guy?

Sara from Bronx, N.Y


DEAR SARA: First of all I love the word entanglement. Second of all what Jada did was NOT cheating. Whether they had an open marriage or not, Will told her to go be happy. Her husband told her to be with whomever makes her happy. For years he did the same. It has been amazing to see so many men upset about this. They saw Will’s face in the interview. He was embarrassed.

Their family business is out there because Jada functioned as many men do…MESSY. The man she dated functioned as many women do…MESSY. It’s disturbing to see that the man she dated hasn’t been called a homewrecker yet. A woman would have been called that 1000 times a day. There would have been no mention of a woman’s mental health state if she was dating an older man. Nope!

She was a young whore who was a homewrecker and knew he was married. No such commentary on this young man. My thoughts are that what works for people in their marriage is none of my concern. My thoughts are that Will has had affairs for decades. Jada perhaps turned a blind eye or allowed it during the time she was clinically depressed. Where Jada messed up was not paying for silence, not having a non-disclosure and not returning his call before all this. I’m sure that man was sitting at home and saw that they were blissfully “back together” thus effecting his healing process and he decided to speak out. Years later.

Women do the same exact thing to men they have cheated with. Moral of the story is don’t date married people. Don’t tell your wife “do you” or “I am done with your ass”. She may take you up on that offer. Now you’re on television looking like somebody stole your bike. Her husband knew about the man. It’s Hollywood. When we get 500 million dollars perhaps we will stay in a marriage and have “entanglements” as well.




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