Arvoice Dear Auntie Column
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Dear Auntie Answers Readers’ Questions on Love and Relationships

                                                             By D.Scott


DEAR AUNTIE: I have inside of me the rage of a magnitude 11 earthquake that will split me in half, if I don’t release these ripples of emotion. The father of my two youngest sons took them to a woman’s house during his pick up time. He then threatened my 4 year old not to tell me. He instructed him to tell me it was a boy’s house. When confronted he completely denied it. My rage stems from verbal and physical abuse from this man in our past. I homeschool my boys and have been the sole provider physically, mentally and financially. I take pride in that. I have forgiven myself for allowing him to do all he did, his mental voids as well as my own. We both went to therapy separately. We went for 5 years off and on. Each time we got better. This last time was different and I view things differently. My thoughts were that I require a full commitment. He stated, “I will never give myself to anyone”. That same day, without remorse, I dismissed him and let him go.

He changes women like he changes underwear. I don’t have any proof but a woman knows these things. My rage is not because he is obviously seeing other people. It is because he felt comfortable bringing my children around these women. Why would a man teach his seeds this and not value or be loyal to one good woman? Why is this mother f****** teaching my child to lie to his own mother? Auntie I am asking you how to move forward with this situation? My resting bitch face has been awakened and I am willing and ready to cause a lot of misery as I know I have the power to do so. I feel the need to not let him get away with what he has done in the past and even now.

I don’t feel bad for him. I feel bad for my children and how poorly I chose of a father for them. I want to protect my children from future traumas their father may cause. I feel the need to be hurtful and aggressive. What is the best way to move forward?

Earth from Bed-Stuy, N.Y.


DEAR EARTH: Basically you want to be petty. I am enamored with the fact that you chose to seek help. My healing vibes are being sent your way as I type this.  Let us get the facts straight. If it was HIS day with the kids as an ex we really cannot control WHO they are around. Allow your boys to form opinions about their father as they get older without your help. You are in a very hurt space. I’ve felt this rage. It is very “you got the audacity” energy. Transmute that rage.

We cannot control other people. We can control how we deal with them. Yes, it sounds like he has “mommy” issues. This is a topic people skip over. Is it worth you going to jail or being perceived as a less than parent, because you couldn’t control him nor your rage? It is really not worth it. You move forward by pulling the plug. Unplug from the situation right now. Focus on your babies and yourself. When you are in darkness you attract darkness. If you function with good intentions you don’t have to recover. Being petty and low vibrational never is a good look. That energy has to be returned to you.

YES karma takes too long sometimes. Yet when it comes its quick and far more petty than you could ever dream of. In my Sug Avery voice from the “Color Purple”…”Don’t’ do it Miss Celie” as she held the razor to shave MISTER. Rage is good. It means you are not numb. Always remember that one drop of rage could cost you 30 years. That 25 to life, I can’t afford it. Always trust that the universe will get him long before you do. Once they are raggedy there is usually nothing you can do to combat that. Give it a year and you will walk past him like you never even met him. I do this often.


DEAR AUNTIE: Do you date younger men and if so why?


DEAR UNKNOWN: In my personal life I always go where the love is. If he is a younger man he doesn’t usually have the audacity most men my age or older have. Dating a younger man is a boost to your self esteem if you can keep up. In my life I have been fortunate to have hard working men that adored me. Whether he is younger or older he must always lead with love. If not, you’re not even on my radar.




About the author


News and art, national and local. Began as alternative weekly in 1990 in Buffalo, NY. Publishing content online since 1996.

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