Arvoice Dear Auntie Column
Arts & Culture

Dear Auntie Answers Readers Questions on Love and Relationships

DEAR AUNTIE: Hey Miss Scott! Of course I have been following you for some time and I love your content. I just finished listening to your show called “Trigger Warning” on Itunes and WHEW did I need to hear that. Ok so I deal with anxiety and depression, usually triggered by toxic family encounters/energy or heavy life shit. I’ve come to a place where I know I am suffering from something mental. From reading and doing my own self healing, I notice manic depression symptoms. I am working through it everyday and I will be healed.

My daughter is my motivation. She is an awesome child, she is my light. I have noticed little things I do when I’m in a manic state of mind (sometimes during, mostly after the fact) so now my concern is not affecting her in the ways that I was affected however sometimes it’s hard to see yourself when you’re stuck in it. I don’t want my daughter being another woman with painful triggers like you experience or even I experience myself because of my issues and process of healing.

Like Mentally, when I’m good I’m GREAT but when I’m manic my problems are huge and my negative thoughts are strong as all hell and I just don’t think or even see the same. It’s crazy but I am getting better. If you were to speak with someone who was like your mother and who needed advice what would you say? We cannot be perfect parents, I know, but what is some things you wish your mother knew or thought about when she was in her manic state or something you would have just wanted her to know period.

Nakia from UNKNOWN

DEAR NAKIA: Thank you so much for listening. We are 348 episodes, 7 seasons and 6 years in. My show originated on Blogtalk radio. All episodes can be heard there as well. We are working on Pandora, Sirius and Spotify. That podcast originally started on the exact date that Robin Williams committed suicide. August 2014 was when the podcast started. I was minutes away from going live when the news broke. When it hit that he died and how, I knew that I had to focus on mental health NOT current events on my show. Things we don’t talk about are killing us.

Per our email I shared some personal things with you. To the public I will summarize. You are taking the first step in healing which is ACKNOWLEDGEMENT. A lot of people don’t realize that if not for us being parents a LOT of chaos would ensue. Yet we still are at risk to unravel and lose it all. In certain cultures we shun medical or mental health help. We often tell ourselves, ”we got this”. In reality, sometimes we don’t.

My triggers came from my own mother not getting help that she needed and deserved. She suffered from sexual abuse as a child. Incest to be exact. Due to the fact she didn’t get help, she raised us helpless. One week she was on top of the world, buying whatever she wanted and happy for it. Two weeks later when the bills rolled in or that bank account was low, she went into a rage then a depression. That is what caused me to go to college for neuroscience and psychology. I wanted to understand my mother.

The advice I gave my mama through many a rage filled tears was,”get help”. She would go a session or two. She would have a suicide attempt or 6. To the point where my brothers and I became desensitized. Mind you, not one relative or anybody knew she was this bad. Family secret. She was never consistent with her therapy. She never completed a month of medication. She suffered, then we suffered.

What I would say to my mother is that medication is not for “them”. It is designed to treat YOU and any other SSRI or MAOI deficiencies or overloads. Sometimes it is not the God you worship that is going to heal you if you pray long enough. The way I see it is, God created physicians. God created medication to be used when everything else does not work. Sometimes it’s chemistry not “crazy”.

My mother always made us feel loved. Even when she was in an unhealed space. My 11 year old self can only imagine what her love would have been like in a healed space. My mother and I never got off the phone without saying,”I love you’. It didn’t matter where I was in the world. I would want her to know she is why I went into my major in college. She is the reason I dated men that harmed me the first portion of my life. I watched her do it. She is the reason I feel beautiful. I look just like her. She is the reason I get help. It is because she didn’t. She is the reason and inspiration for my 7th book. She is the reason I never reconciled with my grandmother. She didn’t protect my mother.

I would want her to know that I am getting help for generational cycles that I choose not to repeat. Your pain stops with you. I am a writer. I left no words unsaid when she passed. I am thankful. What I can tell you is that your daughter watches your every move. You are her idol. No tik tok or Beyonce can outdo you in your daughter’s eyes. Get the help you need so you break that connotation that therapy or medication is for other people. No. It is for those of us breaking in half daily so our children don’t have to. I would have also told my mother I broke the cycle. She raised a warrior. I am thankful, ashamed, hurt, tired… but I am still here. As are you. Email me anytime. My stance has always been to advocate for those of us who can’t. Always leading with love for you all. That is what this column is about.



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