Arvoice Dear Auntie Column

Dear Auntie Answers Readers Questions on Love and Relationships


                                                            BY D.SCOTT


DEAR AUNTIE: Recently I have been on a spiritual journey to find myself. I read your first book and started catching up on the podcasts. It sounds like you are still in pain sometimes. There has been a lot of loss in your life. You have been to therapy and recently said you are still on your journey. I don’t understand how. When does the pain end? I have too many problems to even list at this point. Men problems, money problems, daddy issues, lack of focus and still functioning everyday. I have given up on finding the perfect man or job. It’s not fair to anybody that I keep walking around feeling like there will be a breakthrough one day. When did you get your breakthrough? You said to sit still and do the work. I been doing that for over a year. It seems like you have all these great moments and I am struggling to find one minute of happiness in a day.


Jeanette from UNKNOWN


DEAR JEANETTE: The pain never ends. You will find ways to utilize and transmute the pain. My cousin once asked me how I killed my demons. My response was that I didn’t kill them. I acknowledged them. Just because you are sitting still and doing the work doesn’t mean you are addressing any of your problems. Shadows have to be acknowledged. They are like horrendous little children ruining your life. They exist to make you aware that there is unhealed trauma.

Your shadows are the things you don’t want to talk about. Such as your daddy issues you mentioned. Your shadows may come in the form of you getting pissy drunk with every man you meet because you watched your father do it. Your shadows may show up as ex boyfriends popping up during holidays. All of that is a test. Are we still making bad decisions? After you conquer all the retrogrades and holidays the universe sends a level 5 psycho man that you have no business entertaining. The minute you entertain foolishness surrounding your daddy issues, you just reset the clock.

My breakthrough comes in small victories. Being able to finish tasks and meetings in a day. That is a triumph. Looking at a person I love and understand that he is about to trigger me and I can’t afford that. Therefore we have to part ways so we don’t hurt each other. When you are healing you have to be ready to let every single thing go. You have to believe that the life you build will be better. A human, mere mortal will always return to the scene of their crime.

My breakthrough is waking up on various days and deciding what I will NOT entertain or do. Then I go do the things that make me happy. Those trips you see or hear about come with 60 hour work weeks in and out of the home. That happiness and rest was earned and necessary. As for money, you must live in abundance. If you want money, go to work. When you have the opportunity to do something for someone who cannot repay you, do it. It is not a tit for tat with the universe. If your mindset is focused on what you do not have, there will continue to be losses like that.

My concern is that you are depressed. I am not a doctor but I can refer you to one, regardless as to where you are in the country. On my social media I don’t really use filters nor do I always post perfection. My hair has fallen out, bags under my eyes are bigger than a Fendi bag and my chin is growing another chin. I post all of that. There are struggles posted as well as my reality. My hope is that you are able to talk to someone about getting help. I do. When I go to work and people ask me how I am doing, I always say “fabulous”. Even when I feel like a trash bag. Words have power. You said you give up on finding a man and a better job. The universe will oblige that.

The man is supposed to find you. The job you want will be available when you start applying. I only have about two bad days a year. When I am having a bad few moments, I cry. Then I write. That is what transmuting pain looks like for me. Please also keep in mind I have been dragged and hurt immensely for a span of more than 30 years. So if you see me smiling and frolicking amongst beautiful men, that is what healing looks like for me. Your breakthroughs will come by waking up in the morning and being thankful. If you can’t do that because of your emo status , that’s ok. Write 3 things you are thankful for on a slip of paper. Carry it with you all day.

Currently I am singing anniversary songs about a man I don’t even speak to anymore. Instead of dragging him on media and my show I am not reacting at all. That is growth. Breakthrough. I took time to think about all the things I loved about him. Then I remember the disrespect. No chaos ensued. We split with tension but are both self aware. That is a breakthrough. This journey never ever stops. Once you see the beauty in just waking up and are able to rejoice that people are no longer living in your mind for free, you will have 100 breakthroughs a day. I am happy if I am able to put my hair in a messy bun and it looks wonderful. Breakthrough.

My hope is that you read this and consider it a breakthrough moment. Keep pushing.

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