Dear Auntie: My man and I have been together for 10 years. We have one child and we are expecting another in the spring. Recently he has been really cold and distant. I’ve been getting infections regularly down there. My last 3 appointments yielded me with BV and yeast infections. My doctor said it may or may not be pregnancy related. I never had this problem with my first pregnancy, same father.
My question is: Do you think I should confront my boyfriend about this? I feel like maybe he is out fooling around and my body is off because of it. He probably won’t tell me the truth anyways so what do I do then?
Tabitha G. from Florida
Dear Tabitha: Congrats on the pregnancy. First things first, protect yourself. It is possible that it IS the pregnancy. Eat some yogurt and try to urinate after sex and bathe immediately. Your diet could be off causing the yeast. The BV ma’am is a little more in depth. I’m surprised your doctor didn’t give you the info and specifics about that. Right now you’re extremely sensitive in the vaginal area. If in fact your man is cheating he could be continuing to infect you.
Please try to take the medications or treatments for the recommended time. DO NOT sleep with him until you’re given a clean bill of health. After that if each time you’re intimate you have an issue try using condoms. I know it’s redundant but there are several diseases that can effect that baby, like H.I.V. They effect you as well. If he is being cold and distant that doesn’t mean he is cheating. He probably is but I have to disclaimer that. If you as a woman feel that it’s coming from him, cut the sex off. Let him know that y’all chemicals aren’t mixing right now.
If he reacts adversely when asked, don’t panic. Cut the sex off until you’re healed. Allow your doctor to explain to him face to face the dangers of these types of infections and where they come from. You need to isolate the origin. If you aren’t cheating and you feel your man isn’t then it’s the pregnancy. For the record I’ve never heard of BV all the way through a pregnancy. You must protect yourself and that baby.
If you contract anything else then you have your answer. For now focus on yourself. Cut the sex. Take your meds. Use condoms. Use hypoallergenic soaps and wear cotton full booty granny panties. A bath also may help. Sometimes a shower isn’t cleansing. You have to soak that life force power sometimes. Any other questions see your physician.
Dear Auntie: My girl is super high maintenance. We are Jewish and the holidays are coming. I’m not really in the holiday spirit. I pay everything in the apartment because she lost her job months ago. She’s not even looking for a new job. I’m not saying I won’t buy her anything for the holiday but I feel I shouldn’t have to. I go all out every year. I’m working two jobs to sustain our apartment. We were planning a wedding when Covid hit so we cancelled for now. I’m starting to feel like she’s using me to not have to get a roommate or move home with her parents. I’m exhausted and really want to just buy her a job. If she doesn’t go back to work soon I’m going to suffer. How do I tell her I’m tired and I need her to contribute or she needs to move out?
Arnie from Long Island
Dear Arnie: Read your last sentence. That’s how you tell her. A lot of us are having to adjust due to Covid. That does not give people the right to not contribute. I’m all for tradition and roles. I’m not for using people. At some point we have to accept any job being offered if we can’t work in our field. I’ve done it. Money is money.
At this point mention to her that there is a budget for gift giving this year. Place it at $100 or less in total. If she complains then this may not be someone you want to marry. Many women will place thousand dollar expectations on a man during the holidays. Then when it comes time to shop for their man they get him something for cheap. That’s not fair. It’s a show of character. One should not ask for what they cannot give. If she is high maintenance let her maintain herself. Perhaps her parents can maintain her. You are not her husband yet. You are also not her father.
It is inevitable that during a 50 year marriage there will be financial difficulties. You need to be clear that she is savvy enough to chip in or do what she needs to do to help the household maintain. These are the things that one doesn’t usually see whole dating. Be thankful your trials are coming now. Perhaps she is depressed or overwhelmed. That’s not a reason to see that you are doing all you can and are tired. I don’t believe in ultimatums. I believe in transparency. Maybe she looks to you to be solid and doesn’t see the cracks in your foundation.
Tell her. “Hey luv. I been working so much to maintain our place. You know I love you but this year I won’t have it to do the most. Let’s curb that. Gifts don’t mean anything if we don’t have a place to put them in”. This way it’s clear that you’re not in a place to splurge. If she reacts negatively or suggests you racking up credit cards etc etc then y’all are not a match financially. Infidelity and finances kill marriages at an alarming rate. After the holidays pack her items and drop them at her parents home. Tell her to call you when she’s working. A marriage is a partnership. Y’all are not married. She can go. You shouldn’t have to shoulder another grown adult you aren’t married to yet. L’chaim and be safe out there in New York.