News of the Weird
LEAST COMPETENT CRIMINALS
(1) Alvin Neal, 56, is merely the most recent bank robber to begin the robbery sequence (at a Wells Fargo branch in San Diego) after identifying himself to a teller (by swiping his ATM card through a machine at the counter). He was sentenced in January. (2) Also failing to think through their crime was the group of men who decided to snatch about $1,200 from the Eastside Grillz tooth-jewelry shop in St. Paul, Minnesota, in February. They fled despite two of them having already provided ID and one having left a mold of his teeth. [Los Angeles Times, 1-4-2017] [St. Paul Pioneer Press, 2-16-2017]
UPDATES OF PREVIOUS CHARACTERS
– Tammy Felbaum surfaced in News of the Weird in 2001 when she, originally Mr. Tommy Wyda, consensually castrated James Felbaum (her sixth husband), but he died of complications, resulting in Tammy’s manslaughter conviction. (Among the trial witnesses: a previous spouse, who had also let “expert” Tammy castrate him: “She could castrate a dog in less than five minutes.”) Felbaum, now 58, was arrested in February at the Westmoreland County (Pennsylvania) Courthouse after mouthing off at security guards searching her purse. She quipped sarcastically, “I have guns and an Uzi (and) a rocket launcher. I am going to shoot a judge today.” (She was in court on a dispute over installation of a sewer line to her trailer home.) [Pittsburgh Post-Gazette, 2-7-2017]
— In 2008, Vince Li, a passenger on a Greyhound bus in Canada, stabbed another passenger, then beheaded him and started to eat him, and in 2009 was “convicted” — but “not criminally responsible” because of schizophrenia. He has been institutionalized and under treatment since then, and in February, doctors signed off on an “absolute” release back into society for Li (now known as Will Baker) — declining a “conditional” release, which would have required continued monitoring. Manitoba province law requires absolute discharge if doctors conclude, on the “weight of the evidence,” that the patient is no longer a “significant” safety threat. [Canadian Broadcasting Corp. News, 2-10-2017]
THE PASSING PARADE
— Each December Deadspin.com reviews public records of the federal Consumer Product Safety Commission to compile a list of items that caused emergency-room visits when they somehow got stuck inside people. Highlights from 2016: In the Nose (raisin, plastic snake, magnets in each nostril). Throat (pill bottle, bottle cap, hoop earring). Penis (sandal buckle, doll shoe, marble). Vagina (USB adapter, “small painting kit,” heel of a shoe). Rectum (flashlight, shot glass, egg timer, hammer, baseball, ice pick “to push hemorrhoids back in”). [Deadspin, 12-25-2016]
— When disaster strikes, well-meaning people are beseeched to help, but relief workers seem always bogged down with wholly inappropriate donations (which take additional time and money to sort and store and discard; instead, all such charities recommend “cash”). A January report by Australia’s principal relief organization praised Aussies’ generosity in spite of recent contributions of high heels, handbags, chain saws, sports gear, wool clothing and canned goods — much of which will eventually go to landfills. (Workers in Rwanda reported receiving prom gowns, wigs, tiger costumes, pumpkins and frostbite cream.) [Australian Broadcasting Corp. News, 1-15-2017]
LUCKIEST (BEWILDERED) ANIMALS
(1) In December, a 400-pound black bear at the Palm Beach, Florida, zoo (“Clark”) got a root canal from dentist Jan Bellows, to fix a painful fractured tooth. (2) In January, a pet ferret (“Zelda”) in Olathe, Kansas, received a pacemaker from Kansas State University doctors, who said Zelda should thus be able to live the ferret’s normal life span. (3) In January, an overly prolific male African tortoise (“Bert”), of Norwich, England, who had developed arthritis from excessive “mounting,” was fitted with wheels on the back of his shell to ease stress on his legs. [WPTV (West Palm Beach, 12-16-2016] [Associated Press via Kansas City Star, 1-31-2017] [BBC News, 1-13-2017]
