A Taste of Hollywood

The Market Arcade Theater rolled out the red carpet on April 21 for the Buffalo premiere of the locally filmed Henry’s Crime. Meanwhile Hollywood gawkers got a chance to see stars Keanu Reeves and Vera Farmiga—or their stand-ins, at least. I still say, we are big. It’s the pictures that got small.

The Allure of Power

Almost 5,000 people—a record number of one-time applicants—took the Buffalo police exam on April 23, up from 3,300 in 2007, the last year the test was given. Gee, I wonder what could be so attractive about fat union wages and near immunity from responsibility for your actions? STOP RESISTING!

Losing Graciously

In the wake of the Sabres’ game seven, series-ending loss on April 26 to Philly, we’ve decided to take the low road. I mean, everyone knows that series was stolen thanks to the Flyers’ cheap-shot thuggery. And why not toss in a Gary Bettman conspiracy while we’re at it. Yes, these sour grapes will do nicely.

Oil Addiction

The average price of gas in WNY officially hit $4 a gallon on April 25, rising six cents over the past week and topping $4 for the first time since June 2008. That summer prices topped out at $4.27 a gallon. But seriously, Republicans, thank you for likening investment in public transit to socialism.

Conspiracy Theories

President Obama released his long-form birth certificate on April 27, proving his American birth and hopefully putting an end to right-wing paranoia—which I’m sure has absolutely nothing to do with his race. No word yet whether Tom Bauerle’s head spontaneously exploded or if he is merely still in denial.

The number assigned by the State of Hawaii Department of Health to the long-form birth certificate of one Barack Hussein Obama II, born August 4, 1961, at Kapiolani Maternity & Gynecological Hospital in Honolulu. In an attempt to quash the numerous “birther” conspiracies the White House posted a PDf of the document on April 27.