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Gifts for the 1%

2005 Château Margaux

Premier Group - 3445 Delaware Avenue, Kenmore


Described in The Wine Advocate as offering an “extraordinary bouquet of spring flowers, blueberries, black raspberries, creme de cassis, licorice, and a subtle touch of toasty oak”, this full bodied red (a blend of 85 percent Cabernet Sauvignon and 15 percent Merlot) comes from one of the most prestigious estates in the Bordeaux region of France. Chateau Margaux is one of only four wineries that was deemed worthy of the premier cru designation at the Bordeaux Wine Classification of 1855. Being of the one percent, you probably already knew that.

Aesopi Phrygis Vita et Fabellae

Old Editions Book Shop & Café - 74 East Huron Street


Put that prep school education in the classics to use with this 1517 edition of Aesop’s Fables in both its original Latin and ancient Greek text. Featuring legendary tales of morality that span across cultures and generations. You can probably ignore the fables about pride, jealousy, and avarice. They don’t apply to the one percent.

Space Flight Reservations

Galactic Experiences by DePrez - 145 Rue De Ville, Rochester


Ever been sitting around the mansion by the fire on a cold winter night in your silk smoking jacket, zoning out to 2001: A Space Odessey, dreaming of what it would be like to explore the final frontier? You too can be a pioneer. Book a flight with Sir Richard Branson’s Virgin Galactic, and join only 430 other earthlings who’ve put down a deposit on a seat to take off from Spaceport America in New Mexico for a brief space flight. Deposits start for as little as $20,000. An actual flight is still years away, but in the meantime you will be a member of one of the most exclusive clubs on the planet.

Double-breasted Burberry Trenchcoat

O’Connell’s Clothing - 3240 Main Street


Hand-tailored in England by authentic tea-drinking Englishmen—or more likely Bangladeshi immigrants—this classically styled raincoat boasts a 600-thread count Egyptian cotton gabardine and detachable camelhair warmer to keep you dry and take the chill off. May the rain part ways before you and your mighty stock portfolio.

2008 Bentley Continental GTC

Four M Sales - 3080 Main Street


Sporting a 560-horsepower, twin turbocharged W12 engine, this high-performance machine is capable of a top speed of 197 miles per hour and can go from 0-to-60 miles per hour in 4.8 seconds—all while delivering nothing but the utmost of extravagance. Sure it only gets 11 miles to the gallon in the city, but since when did gas prices ever hurt the one percent? Hell, just buying this car might make your Exxon portfolio jump .02 points.

Surf ’n’ Turf

Buffalo Chophouse - 282 Franklin Street


While a one-percenter in New York or Toronto probably wouldn’t bat an eye at an $92 meal, this is Buffalo, and for all intents and purposes, 92 bucks is as ritzy as it gets. Easily among the most expensive single meals available in town, this gluttonous feast of land- and sea-based delicacies (a 32-ounce ribeye steak and 16-ounce broiled Australian lobster tail) might amount to a snack to the rich but probably constitutes a once-in-a-lifetime dining experience for us 99 ’centers.

Chartered Jet

Prior Aviation - 50 North Airport Drive, Cheektowaga

Quotes available on request

Yes, renting seems so…well, 99 percent, but it’s a down economy and even the one percent are suffering. (At least that’s what you’ll be attempting to say with a straight face when justifying your exorbitant salary and travel expenses to angry shareholders.) Nothing says modesty while still exuding an air of “I’m better than you” than a rented Learjet.

TAG Heuer Grand Carrera Calibre 17RS2

Jared - 2009 Walden Avenue, Cheektowaga


Inspired by German race car engineering, this wrist-mounted chronograph features a titanium chassis, black tachymeter bezel, sapphire crystal, Côtes de Genève engraving and a crocodile leather strap. Oh, and apparently it tells time, too.

Kashmir “Mogra Cream” Indian Saffron

Penzey’s Spices - 783 Elmwood Avenue

$483.80 per ounce

Already the one of world’s most expensive substances by weight, Mogra Cream saffron stands alone as the finest of all spices, composed of 100 percent red saffron threads from the Himalaya mountains. Add rich, golden flavor and opulence to your paella—or just snort it like cocaine while laughing maniacally.

Charles E. Burchfield Watercolor

The Benjamin Gallery - 419 Elmwood Avenue

Greater than $5,000

This landscape, painted in the 1920s by Buffalo-based artist and museum namesake Charles Burchfield, is marked by its curious—and decidedly 99 percent—composition. A poverty-stricken Burchfield resorted to taping a second sheet of paper onto the original sheet in order to extend the canvas. Enjoy the fine work of a modern master while having a laugh at the plight of the starving one-percenter artists.

NFL Football Team

The Buffalo Bills - One Bills Drive, Orchard Park

Forbes valuation (2011) estimated $792 million

Okay, we’ve taken our potshots at the über rich, but we really need at least one of you guys to step up and keep this team in Buffalo. Think about it. NFL football teams mint bank. And the county and state are willing to put up an estimated $100 million in public funds to upgrade Ralph Wilson Stadium for you. All that’s needed is a dynamic bazillionaire to step in with a competitive bid when a certain nonagenarian retires to the pearly gates. Who’s going to be the hero one percent?

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