My boyfriend wrote to you guys a year ago to ask what he should do about my bad table manners. First of all, I don’t think my table manners are bad. Second of all, we never eat at the table anyway. We eat in front of the TV. What kind of table manners does he expect?
More importantly, this underscores a problem he and I have. Whenever something bothers him, about me or about his job or about a member of his family or whatever, he always turns right away to some outside source for an answer. To you guys, to some book, to a TV show. He never addresses the person or thing he has a problem with. Doesn’t that seem crazy? It makes me crazy.
The Omniscient One says: You’re right to question someone expecting table manners when you two only eat in front of the TV. On the other hand, if you’d turn the friggin’ TV off maybe he’d have an opportunity to address you with whatever his problems are.
Strictly Classified says: I know I will ask for someone’s thoughts on a particular matter or issue, just to make sure that my opinion is not too far out there. My guess is that your boyfriend is doing the same. If it bothers you that much, there’s always therapy (for him and for you).
Smart Money says: Chew with your mouth closed. Don’t do the same thing you’re complaining about. Move on. There’s nothing wrong with being alone. If you can improve your manners, maybe you’ll actually meet someone new.
I have a secret admirer. I know this because every other day I receive a note in the mail from him. In each envelope is a small handful of rose petals.
At first, I was flattered. My girlfriends were jealous. Now, I am frightened.
It’s clear from the notes he writes that he knows all my comings and goings. What I ate for lunch. What I watched on TV at night. What I wore jogging.
There are never any return addresses, and I really don’t know who would be doing this. I’d like to tell the person to stop. Or at least step into the open, but I don’t know how I’m supposed to do it. Do I call the police? What if it really is a nice guy? Help!
The Omniscient One says: You’ve named three separate events, lunch, jogging and TV at night. Those are all entirely different locations. Who could be at all of them? Or do you talk about what you do on social networks like FaceBook, in which case anybody could repeat those details and comment to you in a note. If you can’t figure out who it is by what they know then maybe you should look at what you say about yourself and to whom. Maybe it’s one of your girlfriends. Set up a few situations that no one should know about and see if this person does. Then you know you’re being spied on. But I think you should do a little detective work and self examination before you freak out to the police.
The Designing Woman says: Nice guys don’t peer into your windows at night to see what you’re doing. This guy sounds less like boyfriend material and more like stalker material. Keep a record of when he contacted you and what he did. It might help to contact the police to have something on record, but they might not be much help otherwise. Change up your routine so he won’t know where you are as much. Try to not be alone as much at home, but if you don’t have roommates, get a big, giant dog.
Dining Out says: If you’re starting to feel uncomfortable, contact the authorities and save all of his notes so you have evidence that he’s lurking around your home and following you. He sounds like a complete sociopath.
The Shutterbug says: Step one: Save the rose petals. Step two: Dust for prints. Step three: Turn off the TV, stop watching CSI, and head to your local police department to file a restraining order. In this day and age the ease of cyber-stalking is frighting. If this guy is using the old fashioned snail mail approach, he must be seriously deranged.
Ask Anyone is local advice for locals with problems. Send your questions for our panel of experts to firstname.lastname@example.org comments powered by Disqus
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