Click to watch

Trailer for "Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest"

People in my line of work like to give the impression that we’ve seen every movie ever made, but somehow I never got around to seeing the original Pirates of the Caribbean before I had to watch this sequel. I thus attributed my utter confusion through the film’s 2 1/2 hour length to ignorance. Having since watched the original, I can see that it wouldn’t have made all that much difference: while Dead Man’s Chest presumes familiarity with its blockbuster predecessor, it’s such a grab bag of comic set pieces, special effects and star turns that you’d probably have to see it several times to make much sense out of it. Like the Star Wars and Matrix sequels, it expands on a premise that was more or less complete to begin with, and the element it most sorely lacks is the freshness of the original. Johnny Depp’s Captain Jack Sparrow is lost here among the breakneck pacing, and if he’s been marginalized you can imagine what happens to bland romantic leads Orlanda Bloom and Keira Knightley. The only cast member to emerge with his dignity intact (the others presumably content with fat paychecks) is Stellan Skarsgard as Bloom’s undead father. Dead Man’s Chest is not lacking in entertainment value: there are a few stunt sequences inspired by Buster Keaton, and enough gruesomely conceived monsters (the best of them hiding an unrecognizable Bill Nighy) to give young kids nightmares for a week. Still, one comes away from it feeling less exhilarated than exhausted. (If your bladder can hold out, there’s a funny moment after the ten minutes of end credits.)