I’m too old for this

I work in a professional office environment with several other women of around my age. Lately one of them has been making me sub for her at the reception desk when it’s supposed to be my lunch break, meaning I don’t get one even though we’re docked a half hour’s pay every day for this theoretical break. (Due to the pressures of an active phone switchboard, I cannot simply go at a later time.) This happened for the second time in three days today, and I resolved to ask the office manager about it, while I was sitting stewing at the reception desk. We communicate, desk to desk, using an instant messaging program, so I clicked on it. A window popped up, a conversation in progress that the receptionist had left minimized. In it, the office manager had made a comment about my eccentric fashion of dress, and the receptionist had joked that I was always walking by her desk to either the kitchen or the bathroom so she’d surely get a good look shortly, and also commented that she found me irritating regardless of what I wore, and couldn’t stand me. The conversation referenced another derogatory comment about me by yet another employee, and it appeared as though both aspects of this conversation (my clothes and my eating habits) were a running joke among all three of them.

Feeling sick, I minimized the window again, leaving it as I found it, and went silently back to my desk when the receptionist came back at the end of what was supposed to have been my scheduled lunch break. (Conveniently, my discovery had left me too sickened to eat, so the lack of lunch break was less painful than normal.)

What do I do? Ignore it? Let on that I read it? This is a small office and it’s not like I can avoid any of these people—there are only five of us in total in this area. But I can’t stomach the idea of pretending I don’t know that they think these awful things, and yet the idea of confronting any of them seems…futile. Also now I don’t dare go to the bathroom as doing so necessitates a walk past the reception desk so everyone can take a gander at what I’m wearing today, and that’s getting old really quick. I’m considering just wearing all black every day henceforth, but that also seems pointless. (Surely they’d just make fun of my monotony instead?) But really, it’s been a long time since I was in junior high: what’s the right way to deal with something like this?

—What the Fuck Is She Wearing

The Practical Cogitator says: Next time she asks you to sub for her, tell her you have a lunch meeting of a professional nature. Grab a file folder or two and walk out for your 30-minute lunch break, to which you are entitled.

I’m sure it is difficult to work closely with only four others and to have read these unpleasant comments. You are not in high school, you are an adult. Do you really care if they like your clothes or style of dress? Please remember they are your co-workers first, and not your friends…there is a difference. Sometimes co-workers can become your friends, and sometimes working together can end friendships. Keep your eye on the job, the task at hand, your loyalty to your employer and the paycheck. Try to invest your time with your friends outside of work. Enjoy your own style, and let these silly vultures eat themselves up.

Tell Me About It says: Something similar happened to me: I was accidentally copied on an email in which two coworkers savaged me for incompetence, irresponsibility, all sorts of bad behavior—real (and false) attacks that could have had far greater repercussions than the hateful pettiness exhibited by the little snots in your office.

I didn’t respond to or act on that email, nor should you acknowledge having read those instant messages. Notwithstanding the sloppiness of our coworkers, those were intended to be private communications and should be treated as such. I simply withdrew my good opinion of those two, which, like Mr. Darcy’s in Pride and Prejudice, “once lost is lost forever.” That may seem like slim consolation, and it is. But there’s not always a happy ending when people act like jerks.

Ruthless says: Handle it as gracefully as you want, it won’t change a thing. Clearly, they already hate you and will continue to make fun of you no matter what.

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